It is exactly 2 months since my lovely Dad died.
You get better at things. Today I have a meeting at school and have put on the suit skirt I wore to his funeral. It is a smart skirt, simple as that.
My older son seems to not be himself at school and I am grateful to have had a Twitter friend sending me leaflets to help me support the children with their grief. Apparently issues at school are a key indicator that he is not quite coping with the loss. We have arranged to see the school next week.
I am doing OK and moving forward proactively. Groovy Mums seems to have had a new lease of life. I am being more clear with what I will and won’t accept from people. I have a new role with BritMums which came at just the right time. There is life after Dad.
I am getting used to not hearing “What’s on our agenda today, then?” and realising that I can now set my own. I will once I work out what my life agenda is generally.
I am taking too much comfort in food and also in alchohol. I am writing this down and do feel embarrassed to admit it. It really hit home listening to Brian Conley on television this morning saying how he had self-medicated with booze following his own father’s death. If anyone has taken that journey of giving up drink, please do leave your advice. Or maybe I will just locate some will-power and stop.
I have started writing down my Dad’s memoirs at http://policemanslot.wordpress.com and have enjoyed that. However, I do wonder what I should do with them beyond that and whether I am fooling myself that folks will be interested in Dad’s stories. I love them but it doesn’t mean anyone else will.
A couple of times recently I have wanted to ask Dad about things that happened in the past and can’t quite believe that I had not taken the time to ask him when he was alive.
I have started to see good things about him dying. Dad was old and tired. He was slowing down both physically and mentally. If anyone deserved a rest after his life of service, he did. As the cold snap takes its grip, I am pleased not to see him suffering from it so much. He was on Warforin and really felt low temperatures. There are other negative things he has being released from and I am pleased for that.
This Christmas, there won’t be all the angst about which child he should spend Christmas with. We will take our lead from him and have a happy Christmas and one where we don’t load it up with unneccessary stress. Just the five of us.
There are so many folks to thank for support during the last months – BritMums who to a woman (with the obvious exception of myself) are angels masquerading as human beings, Linda from Phoenix, Twitter friends too many to mention them all or we would be here all day, two of my step-daughters, my husband, the Groovy Mums, my school and university old friends, two of my birth sisters. I will have inadvertently forgotten someone because I always do but if that is you, you will know how dopey I can be.
It is 2 months since my lovely Dad passed away. We are still here and we are smiling a lot which must be a good sign even if there was a bit of a meltdown earlier.
The two month anniversary was not as scary in prospect as the first. Time does heal.