I know you are sick of hearing it. I am too.
I had some lovely comments about my Adoption Special Day post yesterday. I kept bright and breezy all day. Having known it was coming, I guess I mentally prepared for it and then blogged it out.
Last night, I felt so alone. My husband lay next to me in bed engrossed in his book and I broke my heart, sobbing and feeling so unwanted and unloved. He did not reach out to me once. Obviously time is up on the grief thing for him. He has always set times for getting over things. I don’t work like that, perhaps too much ruled by my emotions.
Most days I am OK but today has ended up being sad on the whole. It is Tuesday which means it is older person’s lunch day at the community centre. Dad is dead and I don’t qualify for it without him with me. We used to have our lovely 2 course warm meal and put the world to rights. He was always interested in what I had to say or, if not, was a really good actor. Either way, I felt of interest. Who is interested now?
Of course, you get on because you have to. The children are dispatched to school and picked up later. You function rather than live. Online friends old and new keep your sanity on an even keel. With a hour to kill whilst an after-school club takes place, you head to town with your daughter for some retail therapy. It helps a bit but it still hurts that there is nobody to report to when you return home.
There is loads of good stuff, of course there is. It is just that there is nobody to share it with anymore.
Yes it is self-pity, yes I should get over it and please return to the first sentence.