I am in a funny old mood today.
I can spot some of the reasons why.
I saw on Facebook that it is the anniversary of a peer from school’s death at the age of 21. She was a talented actress and would probably have been at the Savoy do on Sunday as a celebrity or an Oscar winner like Rachel Weisz had she lived. We were not friends and I have reason to feel guilt at some of my reactions to her. So I feel self-aware and uncomfortable with the darker side of myself.
I feel also that I am living a life that is not mine anymore – in the wrong house and town, doing the wrong things and going nowhere particularly fast. Socially, saying thanks to the lollipop lady is as good as it gets. I also feel my blogging has suffered this year and I resent that as it has been a safe sanctuary for many years. I want to look at my blog again and what I want it to do. It has to be more useful than my general ramblings on life. In fact, those ramblings would be far better put to work in my novel.
We thought we had found a house and now the landlady is thinking things over so we are in limbo once again. I am getting heartily fed up of life being on hold.
So let’s dig deep for my reasons to be cheerful.
1. I went to the Tesco Mum of the Year Awards and had a lovely time. Apart from a slight wobble a the start, I felt confident enough too. I did not do my hiding in the loo bit once. Get me!
2. I know that when we feel a bit out of sorts with ourselves, it sometimes means we are reflecting a lot and that good things are just around the corner.
3. My daughter snuggles up close every night.
4. My teenage son keeps me well supplied with hugs and is being so helpful whilst his Dad is away.
5. My youngest son continues combine his comic genius with sensitivity when required.
6. We had another huge repair bill on the car and my brother paid for it. He has been so very supportive in recent months.
I feel like I need someone to come and give me a good shake.
Is that cheerful enough?