Why do I need a new blog?

There are seasons in blogging. I have realised this for some time and want to blog about it at some point. I emailed a blogger friend about the concept recently. Little did I know then that I was facing yet another blogging season.

I need a new blog. Somewhere to share more family-related stuff in a more anonymous or careful way. Apparently, I am late to this particular party as a fair few bloggers have revealed to me they too have such “secret” blogs.

My son revealed that he had accessed my Naked Mum blog at school. This fills me with quite a degree of hilarity in some ways but is also worrying. If a 12 year old can access a site called Naked Mum so easily from school, I think there is cause for concern. On another level, it made me question how comfortable I am with him reading my blog.

I want him to read it at some point in the future but I don’t think that time is now. The same applies to my other children.

Some of my adult step-daughters have recently told me how they resent the way their father is with our children perceiving it as being much better than how he parented them when they were children. This is also a little threatening to my equilibrium. Until they and their father can get their relationships on a good footing (and that would require effort on all their sides, everyone admitting their part in the breakdown of relationships and in my view some proper therapy too) I can’t see them dealing with my children as I would ideally like as half-siblings. So I am not sure that I am comfy with at least one of my step-daughters seeing quite so much about our family life until their feelings are more positive about us.

If they feel my husband was a bad father, wouldn’t they want him to be a better one to their half-siblings? Of course, it is not as easy as that and there are some very damaged individuals in the mix.

The tragedy is in all this is the one that did the real damage is living his life probably quite merrily and not giving any of the victims/survivors a second thought. He wins. They lose. That is the really sickening part of all this.

What I do know is that I can’t fix what is broken. I have tried for years setting up meetings, maintaining contact via email and frankly, it does not work. Every other party has tried too in their own ways but there is too much hurt on all sides and until that is cleared things will not be good.

Fortunately, two of my step-daughters are in loving relationships and if you have love in your life, you are so lucky.

The other is a single parent with bags of potential. I am not sure she feels that yet but know from my own journey that she will do one day and then the world can watch out. In the meantime, she is looking after her 3 children alone and I take my hat off to her on that score.

I think about my own half-Irish family and how they dealt with traumas. There would be huge barneys, tears, tantrums but also lots of laughter and black humour. I think it was in the end healthier to be like that. Things moved on and progressed as a result. There was forgiveness and fresh starts. The family I married into don’t seem to operate in that way and I can’t change that. On the rare occasions when they meet they have stilted conversations and never tackle the real issues they have with one another face to face dad to daughter, daughter to dad and sister to sister.

There are no perfect parents. We all f**k up or is that just me? In the end you decide whether you want a person in your life warts and all or you don’t. That applies in all relationships. Things that went wrong in the past can’t be changed. It’s about moving on to positive futures and building new memories but if all parties are not willing to do that, for those who try to facilitate it’s a pretty thankless task.

Probably quite selfishly, as my life improves, I enjoy my minutes and moments more. I have a choice as to where to direct my energies and why concentrate on areas in which you fail and where others do not want to seem to play their part?

Even if it is a bit daft, why not buy into those people who tell you that you are awesome and just go with that for a change?

So I will continue blogging as Kate on Thin Ice here ranting and raving and giving my views.

I now have another blog where I will record family life and more personal stuff. If you are someone who reads my blog and you want the address for the other one, let me know.

A new era for me and who wouldn’t love me for getting out of their face anyway?

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Award-winning writer, blogger, social media consultant and charity campaigner. Social Media Manager for BritMums, the UK's largest parent blogging network Freelance clients include Firefly Communications and Save the Children UK. Works with brands on marketing projects. Examples include Visit Orlando, Give As You Live, Coca-Cola and Kodak. Cambridge Law graduate with many years experience working across three sectors in advice, media relations, events, training and project management. Available for hire at affordable rates.

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14 Comments


  1. You’re absolutely right, Kate – wasting time and energy on people who aren’t a positive influence on your life is pointless.

    I too have tried to fix other people’s feuds. It’s a pointless exercise, isn’t it? It took me a long time to realise that.

    Reply

  2. Good luck with the new blog. My daughter is still only 4 so I’ve not had to confront how other family members feel about the blog yet. It’s tricky isn’t it.

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  3. I’ve long since worried about what family think, mine just go about their merry way. None of my family except DH know about my blogs so far!

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  4. joyce

    hey hun joyce here def would love new blog details as i find it a great way to keep up with you!!! will email soon too x

    Reply

  5. Its such a tricky things isnt it when you have a mixed extended family in the mix, we have the same here and it can be incredibly difficult.

    I would love to follow your new one if you could send me a DM through twitter i can pop over :-) xx

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  6. Hi kate
    Would love the new address, sorry for not always commenting but I do read.
    Suzanne

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  7. I have the same issues of being careful what goes on my blog as essentially it is a business blog and I keep our family stuff quite business related. I can see why you might want a separate one for parenting stuff. If I had the time and energy I would do the same, for now I’ll say yes please to following yours! Do DM me the link.Thanks Fiona.

    Reply
  8. sarahmo3w

    Good for you, I’d be interested in the address please! Sounds like you are moving away from issues which affect your life, but which you have no control over. Good to move away from that and be positivd about your life and your immediate family.
    Sometimes I feel it would be good to blog a bit more anonymously about my eldest in particular.

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  9. I’d never thought of a more private blog. Currently I don’t have any issues with sharing pretty much everything although I suspect this will change as Harry gets older. I’d be interested in your new blog. x

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  10. Hello Kate. When I started blogging nobody knew about it and I felt free to write as I wished. As time has gone on and more people know about and read my blog I find myself being rather more careful. I started a secret blog last year because there was illness in the family and I was having huge problems at work. I needed to write, but privately.
    Your secret blog is a good idea I think. Its there for when you need it. Only 3 people know about mine … me and 2 very loyal, honest blogger friends. Good luck with yours. Sarah x

    Reply

  11. Such a shame – in my experience sometimes you don’t get the chance to sort out your relationship with your parents. I hope those girls don’t live to regret holding on to their upset (I also totally understand feeling upset and hurt by parents).

    Make sure you let me know about your new blog. My answer is to not blog about a few things and a few people – they are in all our lives. I’d love to be totally honest, but it’s not doable.

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  12. I have sat with the comment box open trying to find the right words.I understand your decision it can’t have been easy and wish you well.I will still read and visit

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  13. Completely understand your reasons and totally agree.
    My second blog was set up so that I could be “me”, go a bit more into “how and why I am”, without alienating my first blog readers.
    It also means that the relative who got her husband to phone up and suggest I shouldn’t be blogging (nice!) cannot see it, which is a bonus. They were a negative energy for too long.
    Will look forward to reading.

    Reply

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