I have not blogged for some time and feel I need to get back into some semblance of life again.
We have moved house. We live in a lovely house but something or rather somebody is missing.
I should be getting ready for my regular Friday date with my lovely Dad for our fish and chip lunch in town.
Dad passed away after a shockingly short illness on Sunday, 23rd September 2012 as the seasons changed.
He hung on longer than expected by the medics perhaps looking for one last adventure.
In the end I had to tell him it was alright to go and we would be fine.
The truth is I am not sure I will be OK.
I was doing reasonably well till this week. Strong in fact fuelled by good wishes from far and wide.
We had the funeral on Monday and it was a good reflection of the themes of Dad’s life – family, food and drink, the sea and police and community service.
Now I feel tearful, exhausted and downbeat.
The worst bit is that I get this sense all the time that this is all a dream or rather a nightmare and that although a scarily real one, I must wake up at some point.
My faith is that when Mum died blogging helped me start a new chapter. I am hoping it can do the same this time round.
Blogging about Dad may prove cathartic.
People email me and say I do not need to face the grief alone. Maybe they are right. Maybe I will find a way.
Whether I like it or not, I have to start the new chapter.
Where do I go from here?