It is my birthday today.
Last night I cried myself to sleep. I woke up and did the same. It was cold and I could feel the tears meandering down my face making odd patterns. In my mind’s eye I could see my Dad coming into a room with his birthday card for me chosen probably for the verse which would be a lovely one. His present would have been purchased probably weeks in advance after harrassing me about exactly what I wanted and then finding it for me. Last year it was tickets to see “We will rock you” at the theatre.
My husband had left really early in the morning. He brought me a coffee as usual. He came back in a second time and managed to wish me a happy birthday. He is not very good at these things. It is not that he doesn’t care but he is very bad at showing it as all his family would attest.
When Mum died, she made sure that there was a present for my next birthday which Dad presented to me after her death. Mums and women are thoughtful like that. Dads and men less so I think. She had even written the label and seeing her handwriting again was a gift in itself. The pressie was a watch which Dad had told her I would not like but I really did. She got it just right.
I pulled myself together this morning for the sake of the children. Now my parents are gone, I have to be the grown-up. They were opening their Advent Calendars when they found cards and a gift from my husband hidden behind them doubtless so I could have a good rant first and then be proved wrong. He is clever like that.
So I have a lovely book all about Freddie Mercury. Perfect. My guru on days that are tough and on great ones too. Today is a mix but overall, a good day.
Going online there was a tweet from the wonderful angel that is Susanna at BritMums asking people to send me their love. That was enough but then there were messages throughout the day from online friends. Made me feel like I do matter to some folks. Sometimes I do feel so very isolated.
One brother sent a last-minute birthday email last night and my other seems to have done nothing or maybe we should blame the Christmas post.
One of my stepdaughters sent a card saying I was special. She also reminded me that the reason I cry for Dad is because I had him for so many years in my life and therefore have amazing memories.
I went shopping to the charity shop with my daughter intending to buy something smelly. I went for a perfume brand new for just £1.50. I spied a jazzy bag in a protective bag which always suggests expensive. On investigation, it included a make-up bag, a clutch and a purse. Wow! Brand new and all for a tenner.
My husband has just phoned to say he will be home earlier than he expected tonight. He sounded so relieved when I said I had a nice day.
I am going to link this up to Reasons to be Cheerful because ..
1. The birthday turned out quite nice in the end
2. I have a very jazzy bag to show off at BritMums Live next year
3. My daughter is a creative genius
4. My stepdaughter despite past stuff always tries to support me as best she can.
5. I have online friends who make every day that bit better.
6. I have lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks. Have to keep saying it to believe it!
7. My husband is going to be home in time for us to have some us time tonight.
8. Oh and my son did wonderfully well as narrator in his school play today.
I leave you with a quote from Freddie Mercury which I am going to take as my mantra for 2013.
“Hope for the best and head for the top.”
Although I sneakily quite like this one too …
“I won’t be a rock star. I will be a legend!”
Happy Birthday Droopy Drawers – you are doing just fine.