Mumentum is a blog hop where mummy bloggers are supporting each other as they try to lose their baby weight and get healthier.

I have thought about joining in for some time but then, I have thought about losing weight for some considerable time.

I don’t like the way I look. In fact, I hate it. As a child and teenager I thought I was fat. I wish I was fat like that now as I really wasn’t overweight at all back then. It was all in my mind and the mouths of the bullies.

When I met my husband I was about 9 and a half stone. I am now nearly double that. OK, yes that is a bit of an exaggeration but not much of one really.

Why did I put on the weight? It started like in most new relationships with lots of meals in and out and just feeling confident enough to not worry about it. 14 years and 3 babies later, I look at myself and see a monster. I can dress it up in nicer terms but that is the truth of what I say to myself.

The worst part is that I know this is not the real me. How do I get that Kate back?

It is not just about the weight. It is about rediscovering myself on all fronts. What I like to do rather than what we like to do. What I want out of life rather than what others want for me. What I think is OK rather than accepting the judgements of others.

Tomorrow, the children go back to school. I am treating this as a New Year for me. Mumentum will keep me on track I hope or at the very least make me feel less isolated in this struggle.

Now my husband tells me he does not mind what size I am, that he fell in love and married me and not a dress size. My children say I am fat but still pretty. These people are biased of course.

I find it hard to motivate myelf. I wonder if being obese adds to that feeling. I am so keen to walk tomorrow once the children go to school. I might even work up the will to open the Wii Fit stuff I bought months ago. Perhaps I should return to Weightwatchers on Saturday. It has worked well for me in the past.

Do I think I can do it? I would like to think so but know how self-sabotaging I can be.

In the meantime, it is New Year’s Eve so an excuse for a party. Healthy eating starts tomorrow and I will report in next week. Being accountable if only to my blog and blogger friends can only help.

Wish me luck as hopefully you wave some of me goodbye

With love from the Striking Mum x