Women asking for trouble by wearing short skirts

Are women asking for trouble?

There is a weird concept in itself before we get into the detail. Who would anyone ask for trouble? Trouble might be defined as difficulty or a problem. Most of spend out time avoiding such things because they are inconvenient at best and distressing at worst.

I have just watched a debate on ITV This Morning and thought I would have my say. It was the standard set up for putting up two women to argue differing viewpoints.

Angela Epstein said that “Nobody is entitled to rape” – glad we got that one sorted then! She also stated the nobody invites rape – shock horror! Who knew?

Her point was the women increase their vulnerability when they drink to excess or wear short skirts.

I agree women and men increase their vulnerability to all sorts of things when they drink to excess including health issues, death, involvement in things they would not do when sober and physical or sexual assault. That does not however justify any assault of any kind.

On the analogy of leaving the back door open and you might be burgled. Whilst this is true we could also try and develop a culture of respect for people first and then property.

Whilst this debate ensued on the telly, my 11 year old boy pointed out before I said anything that rape happens to people wearing all sorts of things so “that is like saying any type of clothing is sexually provocative. Rape is never right no matter what the circumstances”. You see if you instil good values in boys, they are an absolute delight.

I was reassured to hear Angela Phillips pointing out that most rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. If we want to warn women, let’s be realistic about where the threats lie often amongst relatives, friends, colleagues and in their own home.

Of course Angela pointed out that a TV studio is a benign place – tell that to the victims of Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris!

Have I wore sexually provocative clothing? Yes and once drunkenly staggered through the streets of Glasgow after a wedding on my own and not quite sure of where I was going. Was that wise? No! Did I come to any harm? No! Presumably I just came across good people on my route that night.

Have I experienced sexual assault. Yes! On the street where I lived whilst I was dressed in winter woollies and jeans.

When will folks remember that rape is about woman hatred and violence and not about sexual desire.

Tell your girls and boys to look after themselves for sure but also instil great values in them too so that they look after others whatever their gender and whatever the length of their skirt.

It saddens me that we still have not got these things sussed after all these years. Women asking for trouble! Why would they do that with everything else they have to contend with?

It is the perpetrators who cause trouble not the victims.

Or are women asking for trouble? What do you think?

http://www.fawcettsociety.org.uk/2017/01/fawcett-society-report-reveals-hostility-complacency-and-a-blame-culture-against-women/

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Five Common Pregnancy Issues that Women Can Experience

There are many problems and issues that can be a problem during pregnancy. Some require medical help and treatment, but the more common issues are uncomfortable and frustrating. Here are five common pregnancy issues and what you can do about them.

pregnancy

#1 Bladder and bowel issues

As well as the weight of a growing baby, your body during pregnancy will be gripped by a surge of hormones. Both combine to cause problems relating to bladder-control and bowel issues.

For example, some women find they need to urinate more frequently, whilst other women find getting to the toilet on time is almost impossible. Constipation is also common amongst pregnant women.

There are solutions;

• Using high quality incontinence products for women can help manage accidental leaks of urine
• Pelvic floor exercises strengthen the muscles that control the bladder and the bowel, helping you to ‘hold on’ to urine as you make your way to the bathroom
• Constipation is helped by eating more soluble fibre and increasing water intake; sip water through the day rather than drink a glass all in one go

#2 Morning Sickness

Severe morning sickness can result in hospital treatment, something we are all more aware of since Kate, Duchess of Cambridge suffered crippling morning sickness during both her pregnancies.
Although called ‘morning sickness’, the feeling of needing to be sick or actually being sick can last all day or occur at any time of day. You can feel very uncomfortable but the good news is that morning sickness does not place you baby in danger.

Caused by the surge in hormones in early pregnancy, finding what works for you can make those early few weeks a little more bearable;

• Eat smaller meals and more often – not eating can make nausea worse
• The same goes for drinking – sip drinks, rather than have a large drink in one go
• Limit fatty and spicy foods
• Some women find cooking intensifies morning sickness – try and prepare food when you don’t feel nauseous
• Eating a dry biscuit before you get out of bed in a morning can help

#3 Backache

Being pregnant places a strain on muscles and ligaments, with some women finding that they back aches from early on in pregnancy right through to full term. This dull ache can make standing, walking, sitting and lying down uncomfortable and this lack of relief can quickly tire you.

• Avoiding lifting heavy thing but if it cannot be avoided, bend your knees and keep your back straight
• Move you whole body when you need to turn, rather than twisting at the back
• Wear flat shoes as this will help to distribute your weight evenly
• Sit with your back straight and well-supported
• Get plenty of rest, especially in late pregnancy

As women’s incontinence pads can help to manage bladder weakness, exercise can help to manage an aching back. Gentle exercise, such as swimming and gentle walks, can help to strengthen muscles and ligaments.

#4 Headaches

Some women find that they suffer from more frequent headaches during pregnancy. In most cases, it is caused by a surge in hormones which may explain why some women when not pregnant suffer headaches around their period.
Headaches can be worse in the first few weeks of pregnancy and steadily improve as the pregnancy progresses. Although uncomfortable for you, they are not affecting your baby.
If you develop headaches in the second half of your pregnancy which are at the front of your head, it could be a sign of pre-eclampsia, pregnancy induced high blood pressure. It is important you discuss headaches with your doctor or midwife.

#5 Vaginal Discharge

During pregnancy, your body undergoes a whole raft of changes. A common pregnancy issue is vaginal discharge and although unpleasant, it is normal.

It happens for a few reasons;
• The cervix, the neck of the womb and vaginal walls are softening ready for the birth and this causes discharge
• This discharge is also nature’s way of preventing infections from travelling up into the womb
• Towards the end of pregnancy, this discharge can increase and be confused with urine; if this is happening, women’s incontinence pads can be a useful means of managing it.

In late pregnancy, you may have a discharge known as a ‘show’. This is a thicker mucus and may contain blood. This is the plug of mucus that is in the cervix coming away, ready for labour and birth.

If you are concerned about any issues or problems, talk to your GP or midwife.

HARTMANN Direct have a range of women’s incontinence pads, ideal for use during pregnancy and after birth too.

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Speaking out against child abusers

It’s a week where I am pleased with myself for standing up for other people.

Earlier in the week, I was in a charity shop when I noticed a board game with convicted paedophile Stuart Hall on the front of the box grinning. This was placed on the shelf highlighted as potential Christmas gifts. I did not like the idea of it being there at all. I am very much of the view that it can’t help victims of child abuse to keep seeing images of those that abuse in the media and so on.

However, we are too often encouraged not to make a fuss so I walked out of the shop but remained troubled. The next time I was in there, I bought some Christmas decorations and Stuart Hall was still there. Suddenly, I found myself stumbling through words trying to highlight the issue with the two women behind the counter. One seemed a little aggressive and as if she could not see what i was getting at. The other starting googling Stuart Hall and then went into the back presumably to find the manager or something.

At this point, I was embarrassed and flustered. Imagine my surprise when the woman who had being off with me suddenly disclosed to me that a family member had abused her as a child. So as well as apologising for making a fuss I was now saying sorry to the woman for bringing back unpleasant memories. She said I had no need to say sorry and I left the shop.

I went in again today and noticed that Stuart Hall was missing. As I was browsing the bric-a-brac, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It made me jump. It was the woman again saying they had got rid of the game. I felt a bond, two women one a victim and one not united against child abuse.

I am not naming the town I was in or the charity shop brand as it is not necessary.

What I will say is that perhaps charity shops should be issuing their staff and volunteers with guidance on products that have a connection with child abusers.

On reflection, I am proud of myself for having my say, blushing, stumbling but raising my voice all the same. The more we do this, the less power abusers have whatever game they think they are playing.

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Dear Jo Cox – a letter from another Yorkshire lass

Dear Jo Cox

When you were killed someone contacted me as they thought I might know you. I didn’t and as far as I know was never in the same room as you. You were clearly an incredible woman and you should still be here.

Jo Cox

I wish I had met you. I think we would have got on and perhaps more importantly got each other.

I was raised in the same area as you. That place has so many problems including generations of poverty and what Theresa May can write off so lightly as “just about managing”. Adversity creates strong communities at best and a pride in your roots.

I was surprised to hear you were shy, something I have suffered with all my life. I too get people to make phone calls for me when I bottle it. And like you, somehow against all the odds, I found myself at Cambridge University and was the first graduate in the family.

Cambridge just made me even more left-wing as I saw how easily you can be written off for having gone to the wrong school or not having the right accent. I have always worried about my Yorkshire accent and yet listening to you speak in the House of Commons, you used your voice with its beautiful accent not trying to pretend you were anyone but you.

You were a few years younger than me so our paths did not cross in the beautiful city of Cambridge.

How brave you were to go off to live in another country working in Brussels. Another beautiful city. Your family must have been so proud of you.

Then to Oxford and Oxfam where I worked for a period too. No wonder I was asked if I knew you. You and I have shared pavements.

How you juggled all the amazing feats with having a young family I do not know.

Yesterday I read your husband’s description of you life and how you put your children first. It made me make changes to my day to ensure I was doing the same with mine. Too often I put other responsibilities first when what matters is making memories with the children.

I have often wondered about returning to West Yorkshire. Should I return whatever skills I have to the town that welcomed me into their community and funded my through university. People who never left probably think I have had an exciting life and that is true. But how I miss the familiar structures of home. That place has a great way of instilling the right values and perhaps particularly in its women. Now I am wondering if I should leave the country altogether as it has not served me and my family well. I wonder what you would make of that.

You were killed and that can never be put right. But so many things can be and I hope all of us are moved by your story and your strength of character and take baby steps to be better mums, to think globally and to do out bit.

Rest peacefully.

Diary of an imperfect mum
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Problem with pornography – what do you think?

I have a problem with pornography. There! I said it! So I thought I would unpick it in writing as I am heartily sick of trying to work out the rights and wrongs of it.

problem with pornography

Pornography played absolutely no part in my home or school life. Let’s get out there now that I was brought up as a Catholic. Add in that I am adopted so always feel I have to prove I am good enough or until recent times anyway when I seem to be nailing the whole loving myself routine.

I campaigned against the Students’ Union at college paying for the Sun to go in the common room not because it troubled me personally but because other women asked me to do so and I was their elected Women’s Officer. We won the argument and most of the people who voted were men as there were far more men at my college than women.

The first time a lad put on porn in my presence, I found it laughable. Why would he do that? We were not a couple. He did not ask if I wanted to see it. I guess at that time I was more ballsy and just asked him to turn it off which he did.

In my first long-term relationship, porn played no part whatsoever. I do not know if my boyfriend used porn or not but he certainly did not push me into it. He was far from faultless and eventually left me for a younger woman but I lived an apparently porn free life.

When I met my husband there were erotic literature books in his bedroom which he laughed about saying they were his girlfriend’s at the time. Yes there was an overlap and nope, I am not proud of that at all. His daughter also showed me a porn magazine and said it was his presumably in an attempt to get rid of the potential wicked stepmother.

Porn disappeared quickly thereafter. Yes I felt pressured to play along and watch some stuff but it was never really my bag. Of course, it arouses but not half as thrilling in my view as a bond between two people who are really into each other rather than Uncle Tom Cobbley and all or the woman next door, near relatives or animals.

One day I went to the hairdresser’s and when I came home my husband was watching porn rather than enjoying quality time with our son. That’s where the problem with my husband and his porn use started. How can you choose porn over your own son?

That is 12 or so years ago and every so often I find him using porn. It’s a “cheap thrill” apparently but as someone who is not that far of retirement age, I find that a little pathetic to be honest. It causes conflict or my attitude and “skewed thinking” does to give my husband his say on the matter.

So I was interested to see Pamela Anderson describing pornography as a “public hazard” that affects men’s “ability to function as husband, and, by extension, as father”.

“We are a guinea-pig generation for an experiment in mass debasement that few of us would have ever consented to, and whose full nefarious impact may not be known for years. How many families will suffer? How many marriages will implode? How many talented men will scrap their most important relationships and careers for a brief onanistic thrill? How many children will propel, warp-speed, into the dark side of adult sexuality by forced exposure to their fathers’ profanations?”

I always get women telling me that all men use pornography. I also know some women enjoy it. I might question who introduced them to pornography in the first place. I might question how and why people find themselves in the porn industry. That does not seem to bother users one bit that folks might be there having being abused as children, found themselves cash-strapped or are under the power of men where the women’s interests count for little.

So here is why I would prefer my husband not to use porn

1. it has hurt me over the years. I have offered to compromise but am too often hit with anger, denial and lies.

2. I have found myself lying in bed trying to work out how to appear like a porn star. That is degrading and a real barrier to true sexual intimacy.

3. I don’t like the risks that have been taken in leaving stuff around that my beloved children might see.

4. During great days in or out, I get a little niggle in my head wondering if he has porn on his mind rather than the lovely experience we appear to be having.

Most of all, I would like folks to be honest. If it is so fabulous and life-affirming why does it have to be done furtively and be lied about? Why is a conversation not had right at the start of relationships about porn so you get a choice what you are signing up for?

I know lots of men and women will not like what I say here but I am celebrating myself enough to say I might have to live with porn but I can still return to the ballsy woman who will have her say.

Is a “cheap thrill” worth sacrificing your wife and kids for?

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Menopausal Monday

Menopausal Monday! What is that?

I am aware that I am entering the menopause. I think the signs were there a couple of years ago when I first started to feel hot for no apparent reason and without warning. Now hot flushes come and go and the odd night sweat sets in. Periods are erratic where they have always being regular. SOMETHING is going on here.

Hitting the menopause brings its physical symptoms but it also is making me reflect on my life and times. It’s a turning point. My children are now tweens and a teen. They need me a bit less or perhaps just in a very different way. This allows me more freedom to read, to do my own thing and just to be.

So in my mid-forties (spun for good measure) I find myself fascinated and also strangely liberated by the changes in my body and in my life.

I also start to wonder if I have on big adventure in me and just how brave I am really.

Is anyone else having a Menopausal Monday?

Received wisdom is that the menopause is yet another of those things we don’t acknowledge or talk about enough. Perhaps we need to change that. Perhaps I could start a regular blog hop sharing the life and times of menopausal women to share peer support, tips and achievements.

How does that sound?

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