Last year, Christmas very nearly got ruined.
Brother dearest arrived and acted like the Hotel Inspector on acid. He made me feel inadequate, useless and attacked.
Him Indoors was missing till late on Christmas Eve busily sorting out the world’s problems with his Superman knickers firmly over his trousers.
Father Figure sat back expecting me to deliver up as great a Christmas as my late Mum used to do. Note to everyone – I am not my mum.
Several months ago, I told my dad that I did not feel a Christmas would work with me and my brother together for the day. It seemed to me that as Brother Dearest has his own place, either he could have Christmas there alone or with my Dad.
Then Brother Dearest arrived a few weeks ago saying he would be coming for Christmas Lunch and spending Christmas with us. Pressure descendeth.
My dad asked me several weeks ago what I was doing for Christmas. I said if my brother was coming I would find somewhere for myself and my family to be. Obviously this is inconvenient and very expensive but better than having a wrecked Christmas.
My dad said it was not necessary to go away and I explained that I really did not want to spend Christmas with Brother Dearest. I got upset and the conversation ended.
I think there was a plan that if I was left alone long enough I would come round. Dad got quite shirty yesterday and said he needed to know where he stood regarding Christmas. I made the point that if Brother Dearest was coming, I would not be here for Christmas. Despairing looks. You have to factor in that Brother Dearest is seen an an angel whereas I am seen as a stroppy woman. There was more upset as I tried to explain.
It pisses me off to high heaven to be honest. For years, Brother Dearest has rejected my Mum and Dad to spend Christmas with his posh friends. Now his posh friend has a live-in boyfriend, he is no longer welcome so suddenly we will do. Do you know that he did not even hang around on the afternoon following my mum’s funeral? Better places to be apparently. The same thing happened the first Christmas after Mum died. Not there for my Dad, better places to be and Dad could come to us.
I have located a lovely little cottage that we can escape to for a few days over Christmas. I will miss spending Christmas with my Dad but the truth is that he will be fine here with Brother Dearest. They will eat good food, drink good wine and watch Dad’s Army.
I need to be kinder to myself. I need to remember the Christmas I spent alone because Mum and Dad were going to see my brother in France. Despite me just having the most awful relationship breakdown, being homeless, jobless etc, they left me to my cheese buttie that Christmas. Many Christmases, I have being told not to come on Christmas Day. Surely, that gives me the right to do Christmas my way for once.
Having finally come to the conclusion that going away for Christmas is our best option, the clouds have lifted a lot. Clarity is always a very wonderful thing.
I have also decided that I will not spend hours in the kitchen providing the perfect Christmas lunch. My children don’t like most of the foods associated with it so I will make something they like. Who say’s you have eat turkey at Christmas?
It will be great to be away from the Wii, the X Box etc and we will do some traditional family games and go for a nice walk. We will be in a cottage where everyone loves each other. That sounds like a pretty bloody good Christmas to me.
Originally posted 2011-12-08 10:21:37.