My mum died in September 2009.
On the day of the funeral, I found out she had cut me out of her will. This came as a surprise as she had always said that her money and goods would be split 3 ways equally between her children. As a child, this mattered loads to me as I am the only adopted one in the family. It made me feel that I really belonged and was accepted totally.
I am not materialistic at all but I wish she had taken time out during the time I was visiting her when she was dying to let me know why she had made the decision to remove me from the will.
Mum spent her bed-bound days watching shopping channels and ordering things. One such thing was an emerald necklace.
When I spoke with my Dad, he said the emerald necklace was mine now. Mum never got to wear it and apparently had said it might prove a “useful insurance policy” for me. Read she expected me to mess up at some point where I would need something to sell.
When Dad gave the necklace to me, my brother banged on and on about how expensive it was. He did not say how much but he went on so much that I snapped and said “Yes, I get the idea, it was very expensive!” He so obviously resented me getting it even though he got everything else.
I have struggled to know how to feel about the necklace. Part of me wanted to get rid of it. It stirred up negative emotions in me. Part of me thought maybe I should keep it for my daughter’s sake. Him Indoors said to hang on to it and not to make any snap decisions.
Last night, as part of getting my groove back, I went to see “We will Rock You” at the theatre. This early birthday pressie from my Dad combined my love of theatre and my passion for all things Queen and Freddie Mercury. I will write a proper review of it at some point but have to say it was totally wonderful.
Before going out, I went upstairs and something made me put on the necklace for the first time ever. I saw there was a tag on it that said “item is non-returnable if this tag is removed”. I took it off feeling that I was doing something very significant. Moving on in some way.
One of the first songs in the musical was “Radio Ga Ga” which was the first song I heard on the radio after hearing the news that Mum had died. She is playing her tricks from afar. As the show went on and I was so upbeat and moved in equal measure, I found myself kissing the necklace with tears streaming down my face.
Mum was a complex woman just like me. Probably just like me she cocked up a million times and cursed herself for doing so and perhaps that is OK. Or after last night and the wearing of the necklace, a bit more OK than it was before. Although I cannot forget, maybe I can find it in my heart to forgive a little.
Originally posted 2011-11-23 21:22:34.