Marriages should last, but not all of them go that way. Countless people encounter infidelity, with their partners straying and having an extra-marital affair. Forgiving them or ending the relationship is your choice, but the first step is always the hardest. The most daunting challenge is coming to terms with the truth. Confronting your spouse can be even worse.
The situation gets more complex if kids are a part of the story because they can make you vulnerable. Dealing with infidelity in marriage is never easy as you feel a mix of emotions- anger, sadness, pain, resentment, and self-pity. But the only way to handle it is by moving forward and choosing the right direction. Here are some actionable steps to help you deal with infidelity in marriage.
Clear your head first
Betrayal is painful, and it can hurt your head and heart immensely. The first blow is the hardest to bear, but the best way to handle the situation is to clear your head. Anxiety and anger can only drive you in the wrong direction, so steer clear of them. Before confronting your partner, calm down and accept the truth. Review the facts because things may not be the same as they appear. Decide the next course of action when you are in a calm mental state.
Know what you want
Once you realize that infidelity has happened, know what you want. It takes good thinking to decide whether you want to salvage your relationship or call quits. The decision depends on several factors, such as your kids, finances, and future plans. If your partner is genuinely remorseful about the affair, you may consider forgiving and forgetting. But you must have various options in mind before talking things out with your spouse. Ensure that you think practically while deciding the future action.
Gather evidence before the confrontation
Sweeping things under the rug is the worst way to deal with infidelity in marriage. Confront your spouse to get things out in the open. But never do it without surety and evidence. You can hire a phone hacker because you can surely find evidence here. There will be a record of calls and messages to validate the connection. It is perhaps the easiest way to catch your spouse red-handed because you need not follow them personally or get someone else to do it. Evidence puts you in a strong position because they can hardly deny the facts.
Maintain your self-esteem
The worst part of betrayal in marriage is it can hit your self-esteem. You may lose confidence when your partner chooses to be with someone else rather than you. It is natural to feel this way, and the feeling can take you towards depression before you know it. Remember that you are worth it, and your partner is on the wrong side. Seek support from family or friends if you need it. Hold your head high, and handle the situation like a brave woman!
Be ready for the consequences
The road after confrontation will not be easy, and you have to be ready for consequences. Your partner may try to coerce, beg, or deny. Mental and emotional preparation will keep you ahead of their behavior. You may have to deal with an impending court case if you decide to separate. Keep the evidence at hand to substantiate your claim in court. Think of issues like alimony, custody, and child support because you will have to make some hard decisions down the line. Preparation for the consequences makes you strong and ready to deal with the challenges.
Consider a second chance
Ending the marriage after infidelity is an option. But you may consider giving your partner a second chance depending on the situation. Genuine remorse is a valid reason. Your love for your partner and kids could be other reasons. But be sure you are willing to forgive and move on, and you trust them enough to be committed to the marriage ahead. You can seek counseling therapy at this point to be more clear about your decision to save the relationship.
Infidelity is a deal-breaker, but there’s a way to deal with it. Whether you want to continue or break up for good, you must handle the situation sensibly. Being volatile can make things only worse for everyone. The best way to deal with infidelity is to be sure in the first place and confront your partner only with evidence. Also, have clarity about how you really want to handle the entire situation.
This article is improvised by Amy Witt. She is a professional writer and contributing her experience to Outreach Monks. She has worked with different companies and is passionate about her work.