I am adopted so am I really good enough? Adoption is a great thing giving unwanted children a second chance. I was adopted and brought up in a very loving home. Over the years I have worked out that a lot of my insecurity probably stems from being adopted. Recently I am challenging some of my most negative self-talk and have resolved to write about how this is going for me.
Not good enough
So despite always being told I was special by my parents insecurity has blighted a lot of my days. At core, I have not felt good enough to go up to talk to other people so forging friendships has proved challenging. I have felt not good enough to have a relationship so may well have pushed people away even if they were vaguely interested in getting close to me. In fact, the more I liked/loved someone the more I would send them packing often with standoffishness or harsh words. For me, it was simple. If my own birth parents did not want me, how could anyone else? There must be something deeply wrong with me.
Emmerdale and adoption
I was watching the Emmerdale storyline where Charity has just found her son. He expressed the fact that he was not good enough. She argued back saying he was always good enough and that it was her who was not. It made me cry. It was a bit of a wake-up call. My parents were not married. They got together and had a child who they had adopted. I came along and they had me adopted too. There were other children too that were adopted. So actually they made their life choices and that led to my adoption. I did not do anything wrong. I was just an innocent baby. I was good enough.
Moving forwards positively
So with this new found insight, I am going to try to fill that void that my Dad said he and Mum could never fill despite their best efforts. I need to remember that I am good enough or at least as good as other people. I think when you believe you are fundamentally rubbish, perhaps you attract the wrong people into your life as well as turning away the good ones. And you know, that can be changed too!
If you are adopted perhaps you understand what I am talking about. If you are not perhaps you think it is not a big deal. For me it is potentially life transforming meaning I will make better choices going forwards. Finally, whatever you think of me or this post, we are both good enough.