Adoption and feeling good enough

I am adopted so am I really good enough? Adoption is a great thing giving unwanted children a second chance. I was adopted and brought up in a very loving home. Over the years I have worked out that a lot of my insecurity probably stems from being adopted. Recently I am challenging some of my most negative self-talk and have resolved to write about how this is going for me.

Not good enough

So despite always being told I was special by my parents insecurity has blighted a lot of my days. At core, I have not felt good enough to go up to talk to other people so forging friendships has proved challenging. I have felt not good enough to have a relationship so may well have pushed people away even if they were vaguely interested in getting close to me. In fact, the more I liked/loved someone the more I would send them packing often with standoffishness or harsh words. For me, it was simple. If my own birth parents did not want me, how could anyone else? There must be something deeply wrong with me.

Emmerdale and adoption

I was watching the Emmerdale storyline where Charity has just found her son. He expressed the fact that he was not good enough. She argued back saying he was always good enough and that it was her who was not. It made me cry. It was a bit of a wake-up call. My parents were not married. They got together and had a child who they had adopted. I came along and they had me adopted too. There were other children too that were adopted. So actually they made their life choices and that led to my adoption. I did not do anything wrong. I was just an innocent baby. I was good enough.

Moving forwards positively

So with  this new found insight, I am going to try to fill that void that my Dad said he and Mum could never fill despite their best efforts. I need to remember that I am good enough or at least as good as other people. I  think when you believe you are fundamentally rubbish, perhaps you attract the wrong people into your life as well as turning away the good ones. And you know, that can be changed too!

Last words

If you are adopted perhaps you understand what I am talking about. If you are not perhaps you think it is not a big deal. For me it is potentially life transforming meaning I will make better choices going forwards. Finally, whatever you think of me or this post, we are both good enough.





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20 thoughts on “Adoption and feeling good enough”

  1. Thanks for sharing that kate. As an adoptive parent to twin boys it breaks my heart, adopted kids couldnt be more loved and special to their adoptive families- i really hope i can instill this in my boys as they grow up

  2. Love this post, it’s always good to remember you are good enough… and the fact that you were adopted means that someone >chose< you. That is so special. #FabFridayPost

  3. Have just found your blog, and read this. I too am adopted and really do understand how you feel, I can’t say I didn’t feel good enough, but always a “bit different” I blogged about it and how I found my birth mother, if you ever fancied reading. Blog link is on my twitter profile, and blog is called “The last piece of the jigsaw”
    Believe me, you are good enough. And as my mum and dad used to say to me “ out of all the children out there, we chose you” so your parents choce you x

  4. We’re all good enough. Each one of us is the product of countless generations who overcame the odds, reproduced, and created the bloodline that ultimately led to us. As for being adopted, your birth parents never had the chance to know you. That is their loss. They are in no place to determine your worth. #FabFridayPost

  5. We are all worth something no matter what our beginnings lovely honest post Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week

  6. We’r e all good enough and valuable whatever our start in life … I haven’t seen the Emmerdale storyline but I’m glad it helped you and enabled you to look at things in a new way

  7. You are good enough. You have something unique and valuable to contribute to the world. You make other people’s lives better. You are a wonderful blogger.

    It’s funny how seemingly small events (like watching a TV soap) can really affect us deeply and cause us to change our thinking or even the course of our lives. It’s great that this story line has opened up your eyes to a truth that was always there – you are good enough, you are not responsible for your biological parents’ life choices.

    I hope that this is the start of a new chapter in your life where you can cling to your worth and make choices that welcome the right people into your life. #blogcrush

  8. You are definitely good enough, although not adopted; my dad pretty much ignored me much of my childhood so I can understand your not feeling good enough to a certain degree. My friend is adopted and went through a phase of wanting to find her birth mother to find out her history, but realised who she was, was all down to her adopted parents, those people may not have given birth to her, but they gave her life meaning.
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week!

  9. Thanks for sharing this a real insight into how adoption can make someone feel. I won’t pretend to understand as I have not experienced this, but I get the idea of not feeling good enough and I am more than sure you are! Thank you for being on the #DreamTeam

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