Birthday girl

Friday 13th – my original birthday and my birthday today.

Says it all you might think.

Original birthday – an unwanted baby already destined for children’s homes and “farming out” as a school peer once described my adoption.

Then lots of lovely birthdays with my adoptive Mum and Dad.  I was with them just in time for my 1st birthday and I imagine they went totally over the top because they saw me as very special.

An amazing 18th – a tape mixed by the DJ brother of a good friend.  Wish I could find her on social networks.  I would like to know that life treated her well.  A big pink teddy bear, a pub crawl and an Ode to Kate written by another friend’s sister.  Happy times.

A brilliant 21st in that wonderful place that is Trinity Hall, Cambridge University.  A place that wanted me and accepted me in all senses of the word.  Posh drinks party followed by a sweaty bop.  A sign on my door saying “Cambridge students head to the best party ever” from my lovely friend Chris.  I miss him.  Back to my room in the early hours.  Waking up the next day to find my dress dropped on the floor where I must have crashed at some point.  Midnight blue and encrusted with jewels and a bustle on the back.  Those were the days. My school friend H came along for it.  We don’t see each other any more.   A wok from the boy I adored which I kept for years and years.  Gold and silver balloons put up by my friend.  Pink champagne crate delivered to college from my brother.

The real 21st back home with my friend Rachel going round charity jobs and giggling in that way that you do when you are young and daft and life seems full of hope.

A joint birthday with my landlord in my early twenties drinking Castlemaine 4x and listening to Queen into the early hours of the morning.  Happy Birthday Ian wherever you are.

Waking up in my mid-twenties with my then boyfriend and him delivering one present after another from the drawer under the bed.  Seeing me as a woman – jewels and the like.  It turned out he was a cheat but he did romance well.

Birthdays in recent years with my Dad coming in and singing.  A present that would be just right because he would have actively found out what I would like best of all.  Miss you Dad – you knew how to love.

Today –  a wife and mother.  No cards or presents from my husband or children.  No singing, no cake, no nothing.  A tearful birthday.

I hope you can see from some of the former birthdays that I once did matter.

I wish I still did.

And yes, I know I should be a big brave girl and accept things more but right now I feel undervalued and mildly miffed (understatement)

Happy Birthday to Me!  It’s a dirty job but someone has to give me a nice day and it looks like that is down to me.



6 thoughts on “Birthday girl”

  1. Happy Birthday! Hoping things pick up for you and your family. I always say “keep swimming” – from Finding Nemo. Hopefully it will be a numbers game with your husbands interviews and he will get something soon. And maybe you can have a nice DVD with your family tonight? You clearly are loved by people near and far, you’re just having a shitty day. Hugs! X

  2. Here’s the thing: your life is tough at the moment but there are stacks of ways to celebrate your special day (and they’re ALL special birthdays, no matter which birthday it is) that won’t cost a penny. Take an hour out, read a fab book in front of the fire with a hot cup of tea. Have a long chat on the phone with a friend. Take the opportunity to play a video game while the kids are out of the house and can’t laugh at you trying to work out the ruddy controls (that one might be just me).

    And the day is still young – you may well get cards and presents later. But if the family HAVE forgotten to spoil you, then personally I’d use my God-given voice to TELL them to spoil me 🙂 It’s not selfish, it’s all part of teaching your children to remember to thank and appreciate the time around them. “How about you guys make dinner and take care of the dishes while I enjoy a hot bath and an hour with a magazine tonight, as it’s my birthday?”

    I’m sure your day will improve and many happy returns.

  3. Happy Birthday! Oh dear. I thought the children may have remembered and made a card even if no-one could have afforded a bought one. I’m sure your husband has a lot to think about & will be mortified when he realises. I would sit with your feet up at teatime & when they’re all wondering where tea is & ask you, say ‘I thought you’d be making mine seeing as it’s my birthday’. And if you don’t feel you can do that then bring out that cake with a candle on to make them think. Kids are kids, but think this lies firmly with your hubby. Think you’re entitled to bit of a pitty party. Birthdays are overated anyway, only another year older. I’m sure when they’re older you’ll be able to ‘dine out’ on this – ‘remember the year you all forgot my birthday’. Actually, thinking back, my first husband never did birthdays. Always said he didn’t have time to get a card. I just got used with it.

  4. Thanks everyone. Lovely mix of kindness and common sense too. Husband says he always intended to go out today to get me a card and gift and he has done that. Children say they needed reminding and have now done cards. Husband is in the process of making a birthday cake – this might be very interesting. He is dealing with it like he is going to give birth of something! I took myself out after reading Sally’s comment with birthday money from my brother and did some serious spending in the charity shop. Lots of silly or lovely things all for £15. Then to baker’s for treats – diet can start tomorrow lol. Thanks for all the time and support given.

  5. Hi Kate. I saw this yesterday but wasn’t able to comment on my phone. I’m so glad to come back today and see you family did make an effort. I hope you do feel valued, because you clearly are, and that by the end of the day, it was a good birthday. (Belated) Happy Birthday. x

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