My big reason to be cheerful is that I am sorting myself out.

I started taking my happy pills and am amazed how much better I feel. There is less noise in my head. When a negative thought hits, it seems to melt away and be replaced with a positive one. Little household disasters are not stressing me out as they normally would. Marital harmony is in the building too. Fortunately, I seem to have no side-effects apart from a bit of drowsiness. I should have done this years ago but the future starts here.

I have also put myself on a healthy eating regime which is where the porridge comes in along with other favourites such as fish and vegetables. I have lost weight already and really do want to nail this as I know if would work wonders for my flagging self-image.
I aim to lose 12 pounds by the time 2015 comes along. Wish me luck!

Other reasons for smiling …

1. I am finding that I am doing more and better housework as I have more energy. I usually find housework depressing and overwhelming so this is a big positive.

2. I am still learning about what works best for us home education wise. I am meeting an Education Consultant tomorrow so it will be good to have that support in place.

3. I have an appointment with the Practice Nurse on 15th December to discuss the blood test results. I would prefer to have a diagnosis now but it seems I must wait so will just start the healthy lifestyle now and see what happens.

4. My son turned 14 at the weekend. He got his X Box One so the constant nagging has disappeared.

5. I had news this week that there is a new baby and a very special one on the planet. He is so very beautiful, stunningly so.

I am not sure that this post gets over the big change that moves on the health front are making to me but I am feeling them and that is what really matters.

Ob and Bette Midler who I adore is touring the UK next year and I so want to be there. Sustained by Prozac and Porridge.

There is something wrong with me. I have to see a Practice Nurse to discuss too much sugar in my blood. Which means I am presumably either diabetic or prediabetes, neither of which are good.

weighty

I cannot keep abusing my body particularly with lack of exercise and comfort eating.

So I am investing in myself. I have bought some Weightwatchers scales which measure BMI as well as weight. I have a new dvd player so I can try out some of the countless exercise videos I have bought over the years.

I am fat and I know it. I also hate it. It eats away at my self-esteem.

I can lose weight. I have done it before and was making great progress into the year from Hell hit us last year.

I think my problem may be that I have always tried to sort out my body or my mind and not both.

I am officially on Prozac and I feel so much better 2 days in to this new journey. I look online and folks say that is just a placebo effect. Whatever it is, it means I have tackled the housework with enthusiasm for a change.

If I get my act together, I could get this weight shifted in 18 months.

It would be lovely to be slim again and to ever look nice in clothes.

The awful truth is I weight in at 17 stones, 6 and three quarter pounds.

In a week I will weigh less and I will track my progress on my blog.

All tips, advice and support very gratefully received.

I Am Fat And I Know It

shortlist banner_FINALDo you think mums deserve to be recognised for their efforts?

I had no idea of the challenges that come with parenthood when I embarked on motherhood 14 years ago and I know compared with a lot of mums I have had it very easy. Parenting can be hard work and so many mums dig deep and also make a difference outside their immediate families.

Mums have a great habit of keeping on keeping on whatever the issues life throws their way. Mums get involved in their communities and when faced with overwhelming odds, try to make a positive difference in the world. I have worked in the charity world and it is often mums who are fundraising so effectively or even setting up good causes from scratch.

Tesco have announced their shortlist for the 2015 Mum of the Year Awards. It is the 10th anniversary of the awards promising to be even bigger and better than ever. Thousands of mums from all over the UK were nominated, and I can’t wait to meet some of the 26 inspirational women shortlisted for the final. Each of them will receive a £1000 donation from Tesco to the charity of their choice. They will also attend a star-studded and glitzy awards ceremony.

I know mums who win these awards really appreciate how the publicity sheds light on some amazing charities and causes over 80 to date since the awards began.

If the mums are like those recognised last year, you can bet they will be self-effacing about their remarkable achievements. That is why it is important to highlight what they do and to help them raise awareness of the things that really matter. When a mum does great things for her community, she inspires others to do the same and that has to be a very good thing.

To find out more, and to follow the progress of the Tesco Mum of the Year Awards 2015, follow the hashtag #MumoftheYear on Twitter. I’ll be bringing you news of the finalists very soon!

Disclosure: I am a Tesco Mum of the Year blogger ambassador for 2015. In that capacity I have been compensated for all my #Mumof theYear posts, though all copy, opinion and editorial remain my own.

I have felt a bit out of sorts for a few weeks. Always moody, my emotions have gone all over the place. I seem hyper-sensitive and this does not make for happy times particularly with Him Indoors.

I saw my GP about 2 weeks ago and he prescribed some anti-depressants and gave me details of counselling services. I sensed there was a whole new world waiting for me. That same day I became ill and it ruined my Half-Term break in Yorkshire. Eventually I ended up at hospital and the nurse looked so concerned and told me there was a real risk I was diabetic and that I should seek my own GP’s advice as a matter or urgency. To cut a long story short, a huge big reason to be cheerful today is that having had just about every blood test available to womankind, it appears I am physically fine. This also means I can start taking the anti-depressants as I did not want to take them until diabetes had been ruled out. It also means that I can reward a generous fate by finally sorting out my weight issues.

This week I also took time out to apply myself and to pursue a dream. I feel proud of myself and as ever bloggers showed themselves incredibly supportive. I am writing that novel at last and really committing to doing hundreds and thousands of words every day. My mum’s legacy can be more than a blog even if I end up self-publishing.

Today we went for a walk. I asked the children to look out for certain colours and numbers. We took photographs of our findings. They seemed to like this game. We went to the shop for some treats and got into a really amusing conversation about Frozen with the male shop assistant. I found myself bantering and giggling and it felt good.

I have moved forwards in making links with home education groups and we have plans to attend one next week. It will be good for the children and if I can overcome my shyness, it will be great for me too.

My son turns 14 at the weekend. I am looking forward to treating him. I am blessed with a sensitive, kind-hearted, intelligent and funny boy. He made me smile this week when his teacher told him “You have a very unique perspective on the world”. That’s my boy and I love him. There is a photo of me when I had given birth to him and my smile is so beautiful and you can see the happiness oozing out of me. Time for me to get back to that and if that means popping a pill and talking to a counsellor, so be it. Why do I always have to the strong one?

Why am I uncomfortable around poppies?

I went to the supermarket the other day. We had a quick snack at the café and as we walked in I notice a desk laid out with poppies and an elderly woman and gentleman looking after the stall. I hate walking on by.

Later as my husband dealt with the checkout, I went and looked at the community noticeboard which was behind the poppy stall. As relative newbies to the area, we are on the lookout for things to get involved in and events to attend.

The lady on the stall was staring at me. I felt uncomfortable. She obviously could not know why I was not buying or wearing a poppy. I had the option of telling her about how experience as an ex-service family. I know the Royal British Legion who get the income from the Poppy Appeal are guilty of mistreating some ex-service families including ours. I could tell her how they cast my husband aside after years of loyalty from him, how they knocked his self-esteem so that it took him months to find work, how we would not have managed without the help of a female friend and my brother who kept us afloat financially. I could tell her how we had to relocate hundreds of miles for a new job and that when we approached the Legion for help with costs they refused to give us a single penny.

I wondered if I could write it all down for her and then thought that was pretty absurd. So I said nothing and felt a mixture of anger and guilt.

This year I remembered all those who have served or are serving their country because the Legion cannot take that away from us. My maternal grandfather served in the Connaught Rangers and was injured at Gallipoli during World War One. My late father served in the Royal Navy during and after World War Two. The whole family maintained the silence today.

It hurts less this year now we are starting to get back on our feet.

I don’t think I will ever buy a poppy again or not whilst the money goes to the heartless Legion. And I pity their collectors who probably don’t know the whole story.

I do acknowledge that the Legion provides welfare assistance to some service families. I am just sad that they turned their backs on ours.