So we have moved. I was so giddy about the move but right now I am just not feeling it in terms of being positive. I hate this in myself but I hope blogging it out will help.

Maybe I have relocation stress syndrome.

I think I am a bit battered and bruised by the last year. So much bad luck in recent months, one thing after another. I remember feeling a bit this way after I was royally dumped on by my ex boyfriend. Not quite trusting that anything good can turn up after so much angst. I also realise that people have far bigger problems than those we have faced so I start feeling guilty for not counting my blessings.

We did the move ourselves surrounded by pets and children so it was not the easiest and we moved hundreds of miles too so it was a bit of a challenge all round. We don’t have a ready support network of friends and relatives to help. My brother said how Mum and Dad would have pitched in to help and I am reminded as ever of how much I miss them. It bothers me that they will not visit this house tumbling in with bags of sweets and toys for the children and outfits for me that I would probably not want to wear. That’s the thing with grief – you even miss the bits that used to wind you up.

The new house is nice enough. I was relieved as I agreed to take it without seeing it. It is smaller so less of my hated housework and gardening. The neighbours have spoken to us but I know from experience sometimes they are not friendly but merely checking you out. The area is beautiful but the town/village is a bit spread out so there will be a long school run which appeals to me not one bit. We know there is space for the children in local schools but are waiting for confirmation on start dates.

I do feel at home in the house but the town/village feels like a stranger as does the area generally. It is not a county I know and I feel bit lost. I remain isolated too but that is nothing new. I think I am a person that people just generally do not take to for whatever reason.

The children went out and made friends in the street on the first day we were here. My husband has work colleagues. And then there is me.

I hope to change the isolation but that will be a bit easier once the children are in school and I can look into local opportunities for volunteering, study or whatever.

It is rotten but I put a lot of work into holding things together in the last year. Trawling job sites, helping with job applications, trawling accommodation sites, trying to tell everyone it would be OK when I was not sure of that myself.

We have ventured out about 4 times in the last week to eat or to check out the shops. It has been OK and sometimes fun but yet I sense something is missing.

It seems to me I have spent the whole of the year trying to sort stuff out and I would just like a period where I can relax and enjoy myself a bit.

What a week! We have done the relocation and I wanted to talk about my feelings about the move.

We have moved hundreds of miles and are starting a new life in a new county.

Unlike the me of old, I am feeling a bit jittery. It’s not as if I had dozens of friends nearby anyway but there were at least some familiar faces. Right now, it all feels a little scary and daunting.

I am also struggling a bit to get used to living full-time with Him Indoors again. i guess both of us have got used to doing things our own way.

There is lots to be cheerful about in this slightly exhausted and stressed out week.

1. We are in our new house. It suits us well. It is so much smaller in some ways than our last place but a better use of the space there is so I have a bigger bedroom as do two of the children plus some really family-friendly storage. I have gardens front and back both of the small variety which is good as I hate gardening.

2. I had a couple of days with my brother whilst my husband took on the big move of our first load of stuff. It was good to do very little, to drink red wine and to spend a long time in the bath. The children enjoyed the mini-break and played dressing up games and had late nights.

3.When the whole family moved it was a good drive down and the pets behaved very well.

4. We visited the local bigger town and the parking ticket machine was not working. As we were parked right next to it, myself and my son kept warning people to not put their money in it. My husband put an “Out of Order” sign on the machine and with post-move hysteria, I did a sign “NO TWERKING” Most people looked at my sign but clearly read it as “Not working” but the odd person saw the funmy side and giggled away.

5. We seem to have been quite quick to get the house comfy to live in despite a lot of unpacking to do.

6. I am reconnected to the InterWeb which as regulars know keeps me sane.

7. My children went out in the street as it is so safe by the look of things and have made friends already.

8. I have done a bit of research and there seem to be a lot of volunteering opportunities quite close to us. I may try this as a route to making some new friends and finding my feet in a new area.

It will be OK, won’t it?

I have a great reason to be cheerful this week. We have a relocation to the South of England in the mix.

Over the Easter weekend, we will be moving to pastures new and reuniting as a family. This delights me on so many levels. It means the Royal British Legion despite their best efforts could not keep us down forever. It gives my husband and myself an opportunity to enjoy being a couple rather than working through a list of tasks. I think the opportunities for the children will be fantastic. What if one of them took up sailing and carried on Dad’s great love for the sea? I will be closer to London when exciting opportunities come my way as they do from time to time. I will be able to suggest a show in London without it seeming daft. We will be near my beloved sea which is so good for my body, heart and soul. I have needed a fresh start/kick up my immense bottom for some time and this will be a great catalyst to a good future.

Thinking about it, I loved living in the South of England. I left purely because my ex did me over emotionally and financially. That was 16 years ago!! I swore to my Dad that I would not stay put in Yorkshire but then I met my now husband and had 3 children and plans to return South went out of my mind.

I actually have butterflies with the excitement of it all. It still feels slightly unreal and I have not seen the new house yet so I hope it is as nice as my husband says it is. However, it does not really matter. What matters is leaving this terrible year behind us and starting afresh.

This is probably very arrogant but can I just say a big “Well done us!” for holding it together through a lot of stress. Yes we had screaming, rows, tears, depression but we are here and we are a family. Big thanks to Auntie you know who you are, my brother and lovely online friends who kept me hopeful with tweets, emails, blog comments and cards.

Writing my Dad’s memoirs I see his service number began with P for Portsmouth so I sense he had a very big hand in all this.

Feeling quite giddy.

Loads more reasons to be cheerful too but this one is the giant one!

BritMums Live 2014 – free ticket available to one very special blogger.

Today is a day I have looked forward to for some time plotting with my friend Elizabeth to sprinkle a little fairy dust.

Who wants to go to BritMums Live? We have a FREE ticket to giveaway.

Last year, I did a Golden Ticket as I wanted somebody to experience the joys and surprises that I had at BritMums Live 2012.

Being me, I said I would go very much on instinct as to who should get the ticket. Lots applied of course some bloggers that I knew and some that I didn’t.

I had narrowed it down to two potential recipients in my own mind so asked my husband to help me choose between them. As I worked through the emailed entries with him, a new email pinged into my inbox. Pretty much from the first line, it was clear that it would be difficult not to go with this new entrant. It felt like reading an email I would write myself. It felt like somebody I would like to get to know better. It felt right.

I still mulled it over to be absolutely sure and asked further questions of the three main contenders.

How delighted I am that I chose Elizabeth. I stressed that she did not have to feel any future duty-type connection with me but I think we have become friends over the last year or so. I have needed that friendship in ways that I never envisaged at the start of last year.

Elizabeth has bought a ticket and we are giving it away. You can check out all the details on Elizabeth’s pos

We want you to give us your email address as we will be sending you an email but basically all we will ask you to do is to say why you would like the ticket. You don’t have to try to be clever or witty. Just tell us your thoughts and feelings about why you want to.

We will then gather in a top secret location with cocktails (bit of a fantasy that bit!) and make our decision.

I can’t wait to find out where the fairy dust will fall this time and what magic it might bring.

Don’t stress it – just apply and see what happens.

I used to work in Action Learning where I learned about the power of open questions. So it suddenly came to be that instead of walking around feeling dissatisfied, it would be a good idea to ask what is wrong.

1. Separation – the distance between myself and my husband is not working well for us. There is the pressure to find a new home which merely replaces the search that went before. Currently, we are all about what needs sorting and not about enjoying and relating to each other. This leads to tension inevitably which upsets both of us.

Action point – secure a new home soon.

2. Lack of friends – this is a big one for me. The truth is that when you spend your days at home, making friends is not going to happen except online. I think initial answers to getting out may involve volunteering and/or study. Where that takes place should follow on from where we find a new home.

Action point – stop accepting a lack of friends as my lot in life and start doing something about it.

3. Self-image – I am fat and frumpy. This is not good physically but also drags me down mentally on bleaker days. I know how to lose weight and I can do that. I actually believed they might have cut me out of the Tesco Mum of the Year Awards television coverage for being too ugly. That is very flawed thinking and in fact I did appear. I saw myself as perhaps others do and liked my new hair do and colour and my sensitive face. Someone told me I had very lovely skin this week and I was ridiculously thrilled with that. Perhaps I should start pointing out my good bits instead of bad bits.

Action point – commence a healthy eating and fitness plan. Accentuate the positive.

4. Making a difference in the world – I have always wanted to do this. I feel I need a new cause to get my teeth into. Charity, politics, something.

Action pint – investigate who or what could make use of my skills

5. Turn back to life

I came across a sympathy card amongst mum and dad’s things. Perhaps since Mum made that telephone call 5 years ago, I have been guilty of turning away from life a bit/a lot. Perhaps I found this card or it was left for me at just the right time. I find it a very powerful message and just need to work out the full meaning. How can I comfort hearts and what are those dear unfinished tasks?

Action point – turn back to life. Carry on the legacy of Mum and Dad.

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