Difficult times

I am half hoping nobody reads this as I feel awful about keep going on and on about the tough stuff.

I know so many people are facing harder times but we are struggling a bit to keep upbeat all the time with this so-and-so ing redundancy situation.

We have both had redundancy situations in the past but always because of funding issues in the charities we worked for.  That is hard but not hurtful as in the current situation where the Royal British Legion have dumped my husband after so many years of loyal service and whilst recruiting other staff to do very similar roles (they would argue that point of course).

My husband has had two weeks of travelling up and down the UK trying to find work.  Interviews most days and sometimes twice a day.  No job offer and he is clearly struggling emotionally.  And he hates that.   He is not a person who is comfortable in sharing his feelings so they get bottled up and then express themselves in anger and impatience.

He is tired.  He is worried about finances.

The final straw came when we were told our car can only be put back on the road if we spend £1000 or more.  We need the car really to attend interviews.  Also it is my late Dad’s car and somehow that still matters to me.

I feel like I am walking on egg shells.

And I am a proud person who does not react well when I feel got at or put down.  To much like my late Mum in that regard.

Am I the most supportive wife in the world?  No – I have always been better at taking practical action to help rather than doing the “there, there” stuff.

Also when someone struggles to tell you how they feel, it is hard to know quite how to support them.

So I have put my efforts into trawling job sites and helping with job applications (quite a lot as it goes).

I am also trying to find bits of work for me to keep the wolf from the door.

There is also the underlying resentment that I was not listened to when I saw the warning signs that my husband would have been better to jump ship from the Legion months or years ago.  That makes me rotten I know but it is there and sometimes it is expressed by me in perhaps not the most ideal ways.

I have suggested my husband sees the GP.  He is probably depressed and maybe needs a little help for now.

How terrible of me who has experienced depression to not have a clue what to say or do to support someone in its grip.

We will be OK in the medium to long-term.  We have to hold onto that belief but sometimes it is hard to do.

 

 

6 Comments

  1. Sarah Pellew November 16, 2013 / 10:50 am

    Sounds like you are having a really hard time and of course you should write about it. Also, depression is hard to cope with for anyone. Just because you have been through it doesn’t make it easier to cope with when loved ones are suffering. I wish I could make things alright for you. All I can really do is say keep going, keep writing and it will be ok in the end. One step at a time lovely lady. You are there for your husband and thats what counts. Thinking of you and sending love. Sarah x

  2. Sonya Cisco November 16, 2013 / 10:54 am

    *sends supportive hugs* xx

  3. AutismMumma November 16, 2013 / 11:46 am

    You’re doing great by your man, Kate, although it might not feel like it. Just by being there and being pro-active. Encourage him to talk about how he’s feeling and yes, it does sound like a doctors trip might be beneficial. You will all get through this, it’ll just take time x

  4. Millie's Mum November 16, 2013 / 2:20 pm

    I really feel for you both, sometimes life can be so unfair. I am sure your husband knows you are right behind him. All the ‘there there’s ‘ in the world won’t find him a job but you are actively trying to do just that. That is real love. We can’t all be up beat all the time, you are only human so don’t beat yourself up. Take time out to have a cuppa together away from the family and encourage him to talk to you and tell you how he is feeling and tell him how you are feeling for him. A trouble shared, and all that. You will pull through and you will both be stronger for it, but it is so hard at the moment.
    I know all your readers feel your pain and wish you well. xx

  5. hurrahforgin November 16, 2013 / 2:44 pm

    I’m so sorry Kate. I’m a new reader so don’t want to say anything obvious or patronising but didn’t want to not comment either. Get your husband to see the doctor if you can convince him and i really, really hope you all get that break soon x

  6. helloitsgemma November 17, 2013 / 5:03 pm

    Having been through something similar – I can empathise. Hang in there, it will get better. I had a horrible time leading up to my redundancy, in retrospect it was all so obvious but I was so immersed in work and trying to maintain various balls in the air, I didn’t see the wood for the trees. I didn’t listen to anyone because I knew how it all worked, I worked there didn’t I? They shafted me and my job became a similar job that suddenly I wasn’t suitable for. It’s a very exhausting processes. Sometimes, it’s just hard. Don’t be too hard on yourself either, sounds like you are doing a sterling job at being supportive through difficult times. Well done you.

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