I am feeling more positive about things which has to be a good thing. I think writing about how I felt I was running out of steam helped massively. It reminded me of the old days of isolation and post-natal depression when I blogged it out. That was in the days when I had no idea some people got nice things or made money from their blogs. I just wrote to get my feelings out and it helped. It appears it still does. So here are happy things in my world.
1. We have good weather and I am getting out a lot for walks in the woods sometimes on my own, often with my son and sometimes with my husband. I love the forest and how it always looks the same but different too. I can walk mindfully really taking notice of details like the shape and colours of flowers. I laughed out loud the other evening when my dog disturbed a rabbit and the suddenly the rabbit made me and my son jump as it hurtled past us at break neck speed. I had a bad day and that just made me feel better even if it was not so great for the rabbit.
2. I had been avoiding handing over my troubles to my brother but I did eventually tell him what was going on with me. He helped both practically and with wise advice. He pointed out how teachers do not work all year round and children are not in school all year round. He told me to take a break from educating the children until my heart and mind felt a little stronger. He referred to the sage advice our parents used to give us whilst giving out his own without even realising how that would shift my thinking so powerfully. As he said we all have rough times when we don’t necessarily think we will make it through but we do with the support of family and friends. How right he is! I have him, my amazing children and people from school, college, previous jobs and the ex-wife of my husband’s nephew who cheer me on in their different ways. That is not to mention bloggers who leave great comments and I was particularly touched when bloggers from a linky I join in with said they missed me and would welcome me back.
3. I am eating so healthily and have lost half a stone as a result. It is great to eat lots of fish and soup and I am not finding it at all challenging. I intend to be slim by Christmas rather than slimmer. I am at an age where I think this really matters for my health and wellbeing. If I look great too but I do not feel a pressure to do so. Where I am I am valued for who I am whatever size I am. That is very liberating!
4. I have realised that things do not need to be forever and to stop overthinking the entire future. I suspect I will indulge in this again but for now I am being a bit more sane. My son will go to stay with my brother. That does not mean he will never live with or near me again. I love where I am and it suits me in some ways for now but does not have to be forever. It is important to remember this is my life to live as I see fit making sure it includes more happiness than not.
5. My brother gave me some money to go out with. We had a great night in the local bar spending time with a musician and his wife. The woman is so talented but sings quietly even though she has the best voice. How we women hide out lights under out bushels as it were! I wore a maxi dress that showed a lot of boob but my daughter challenged me when I said I looked ridiculous. She insisted I looked lovely so I went out in the brightly-coloured maxi dress and carried it off with aplomb I think. I do love a maxi dress or skirt. They are always so flattering I find. I got a great compliment from the landlady who exclaimed “Wow, wow, wow!” as I entered the bar so anyone who had not noticed I had dressed up were pretty much forced to do so.
6. I seem to be making good progress with household tasks this week perhaps because I have rested more in other areas of life. I have even started to enjoy raking and weeding in the garden which is pretty much unheard of. Although I love the idea of gardening, I have never really loved the reality of it.
7. I am making the most of my lovely bedroom which now finally has the nude painting that I got to mark my 50th birthday on the wall for me to gaze at. Most mornings, I read 50 pages of a book before even getting up. It is a little investment in myself at the start of each day. I am also indulging in early nights when I feel the need rather than thinking I have to be ever present for the rest of the family.
8. I have visited a charity shop where I got that maxi dress and some cheap and deep cereal bowls along with some books. Sunday saw me at a car boot sale where I got a little tin with Notre Dame on it to make me smile. I never did visit when I was on French exchange choosing instead to go off to buy perfume in the shape of the Eiffel Tower from a market instead. I also got a little tray thing with the Renoir painting that was on the card I bought to thank my parents when I succeeded at getting into Cambridge University. It does not hurt to have little things that raise a smile so easily.
So there you have it! You still can find happy stuff even when you are running out of steam.