A week can make such a difference. I was so miserable last week but feel happy today. In fact, my mood lifted pretty quickly after writing my last post slowly at first and now I feel I am actually in charge of my destiny and capable of making choices.
We rehomed our Beagle dog last week. We drove to see an older couple who lost their dog last Summer. They had large dogs before and thought a smaller breed would suit them better now. Our dog walked in and explored. He also puked all over their rug and they did not stress about that and just wiped up the mess. We spent a hour chatting which was lovely and I feel confident Stan has gone to a homely and caring place.
Funnily enough I have not missed him too much and neither have the rest of the family. We have missed him of course but not in a gut-wrenching way. This has persuaded me I think that when you think what we could gain from moving house the other pets may need to go too and the world would not cave in.
Fun times as a couple
This weekend, myself and my husband got on well. We can do this. Part of my issue is that I get bored so easily so need to be out and about ideally. That’s another good argument for a house move in due course. We did not do anything huge but we talked and laughed together. That is what we did in our best of times and perhaps we can build on that. My husband has also taken on doing a lot of our dinners which has helped me take some rest too. He is currently off doing laundry again giving me some precious me time.
Random message from the universe
After my post last week about struggling emotionally, the universe seemed determined to help. I read a powerful blog post from a woman who was also feeling blue. This made me realise that so many of us get down from time to time and that does not make us bad people. Perhaps it is the sane and brave ones who speak out openly about their feelings. I went on Pinterest and read something on the lines of sanity coming once you stop being rocked off course by the insignificant actions of others. That one really spoke to me as I let my husband’s actions which are actually a bit sad and stupid get to me when actually they define him more than they do myself. We called at a garage on our way back from rehoming our dog and I found a wallet in my favourite colour of orange which was perfect for my bank card which now stays with me as it should be.
I have started to relax about the presents and futures of my children a bit. My son can go on his adventure to stay with my brother and all we need to do is see how that goes. I don’t need to make plans for an unknown future. I will be there for him as and when and where he needs me. Also I think I may go with him initially to get some time with my brother and perhaps even catch up with some friends. I have taken a few days off teaching the children. Schools do this so why shouldn’t I from time to time? Having said that they are all thoroughly interested in the Brexit debates. One morning this week we were in the sun room, discussing Islamaphobia, the Holocaust, Russian leaders throughout the ages, film and so much more. They are bright, caring and opinionated in a good way. Perhaps for now that will do.
I do not need to drive myself every minute of every day on all fronts. I don’t get any prizes for it and sometimes no thanks either. When I push myself too hard, I effectively put a welcome mat down for the beast called Depression. I need to recognise what I do well. I am loving. I am a good friend. I try hard as a parent and home-maker even if I find it challenging from time to time. I don’t need to decide everything or do everything all at once. I felt so much lighter once we had rehomed our dog to a happy home. Tick and I know I will be reporting other positives next week towards a better future.
Other happy stuff includes a compliment on my smile, a giggle or two. some tasty meals and the fact our forest walk is drying out now with days of blazing sunshine. I even have shorts on so Spring really has sprung inside and out here.