To have 5 disastrous dates, you have to have actually had five dates in the first place. This may be a struggle in my case and even if I can think of 5, it would be a bit of an admission to say that they were all disasters. Bear with me, I may have to talk about events with the opposite sex rather than real dates.
1. Once upon a time, a group of colleagues used to go out after work once a week. One Wednesday, it became fairly obvious that only 2 of us would be going. I think the bloke involved had persuaded everyone else not to go keen to have his wicked way with me. It was a non-starter as I had got contact lenses that day. All I remember is being in pain and my eyes streaming with tears all night. All he remembers is that I was blind to his “signals”.
2. Once upon a time, a close male friend invited me out to dinner. There was a lot of nudge-nudging going on with our other friends as we set off. He got all dressed up but I had not realised it was anything special so just donned jeans and a jumper. That set us off on the wrong footing really. When the waitress came to ask if we would like a pudding, I was already covetting the cheesecake when he said that we would not be stopping for pudding. I was crushed. Needless to say, he did not get “dessert” either!
3. On another occasion, I went out for Sunday lunch with a fella. Suddenly, I had a major panic attack and had to walk up and down the car park for ages trying to calm down. All I remember is not being able to get my breath and my “date” being pretty unimpressed that his impact on me was blind panic.
4. Perhaps a really impressive disaster is the time that I went out with my landlord. I had adored him for months and we had both being invited to dinner with one of his colleagues. He rushed through the meal and told his colleague that “Kate and I need to go”. On the way home in the taxi, I was convinced that this was the day he would declare his undying love for me. I was even more sure of this when he sat me down and said he had something very important to tell me. What was it? Only that he was gay. I felt so stupid and I think he knew and made me a bacon buttie as a consolation prize.
5. There was the time I was out on a Quiz Night with a colleague. It was becoming pretty clear that we were interested in each other. Things were “progressing” when in walked his girlfriend along with her best friend. I left as it was clear there was unfinished business to be done. That night he told me he had finished with her and wanted me to go round. That would be too easy so I made him wait.
Three of these “events” were with my now husband.