I am not sure I want to be responsible

I am not sure I want to be responsible so am reflecting on the word responsible as my word of the week.

The Reading Residence

There is this niggling voice that has started to rebuke me for being too responsible.

I am not sure I want to be responsible

When I work, I put in too much effort often more than I am rewarded or thanked for.

I do about 90 per cent of the housework with the husband making vague occasional attempts usually loudly and with an air as if he deserves a medal for doing anything.

Similarly on the parenting front, it is me who educates the children, instils values and encourages debate.

Everyone looks to me for the right answers and frankly I am sick of it.

When does it stop?

Can I step off and freewheel through life for a while? How about a day of living in sunshine taking walks and reading for pleasure. Lounging around and taking time to just be. How about 365 days like that? How about a lifetime?

What makes me so responsible? Why do I drive myself so hard spinning so many plates and then wondering why I get tired?

Something tells me 2017 will be the year of radical changes and I intend to be good enough rather than so utterly and boringly responsible.

Responsibility implies obligation but I am a free spirit as soon as I choose to take that path. Will that road take me North or South? Who will I meet along the way?

Will I do something so amazingly exciting that someone will say in awe or judgement “Are you responsible for this?” and will I smile sagely and say “Oh yes and I am proud!”

In fact, I can do that now because instead of moaning on, I am going to take responsibility not for chores and saving the world but for changing my life.

3 thoughts on “I am not sure I want to be responsible”

  1. You sound ready for a change and determined to make one. I think it’s easy to slip into getting everything done and feeling responsible for doing so, but everyone needs time out to recharge, so I hope you carve out time for you. Thanks for sharing with #WotW

  2. You sound ready for something new, that’s for sure! I do think as parents we can easily take on the mantle of the do-er and it’s hard to let go. But sometimes we need to for our own sanity.
    I hope you can find some time to step back & take some time out.

    1. Thanks and yes want to make big changes this year. Actually need to do less so the children who are rapidly becoming adults before my very eyes learn to do stuff too and gain a bit of independence.

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