General

I’m a Mixed Bag

Until today I was having a relatively good week. Today is yet another rubbish Valentine’s Day where nobody loves me enough to send a card or a gift. Same old, same old. When I was with my husband I would get stuff usually largely with him doing it reluctantly and not seeing the point but he tried. In my daft way, I have let it  get to me. Why has my older son not touched base? Why has the new man not sent a card? And so I go on.  I do try to be a good person but too often feel totally unappreciated and rejected.

I think I am getting better as I went out and bought treats like flowers, chocolate, cake and ice-cream for me and the children. I even lobbed in a bottle of Baileys as it was on offer. It will be a bad idea to drink it today but the bottle is pretty.

My job seems to be going better now I feel less out of control emotionally. I have realised employment is a different beast these days and I can’t fight it. Systems and processes are God – so be it! I need to make money for myself and my children so there is not point doing my King Canute act. I still get scope to be creative and that went really well last week. There were several days where I actually recognised and liked myself.

I have taken more time for relaxation this week and staked my claim on the house a bit more rather than feeling like a guest in it.

I am still failing miserably on the Body Shop front with no orders but so what!

My husband has told me the French friends are disgusted with  me so that was sad to hear too. People don’t seem to realise I did not want to cheat. I don’t understand why I did really. People close to me say it wasn’t cheating as my husband had removed himself physically and emotionally and was in a different country contacting me rarely and usually angrily.

Anyway, all this is me being silly about the lack of Valentine’s. Best get ready for Mother’s Day now. Loaded events all too often disappointing.

The main news to share that people were kind and reached out to me after my last post and the pic on Instagram. Thank you!

I have bit the bullet and sought professional help. I spoke to a therapist last week and have another to speak to tomorrow before deciding who I will go with. I am keen to try Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy. The woman the other day said I have faced multiple traumas and some abuse in a relatively short period of time. There may well be unresolved issues from my childhood too which was a good one but you can’t run away from the fact I was away from parents for most of the first year of my life.

Another uninspiring post I am afraid but I believe I am making progress one baby step at a time.

 

 

 

loopyloulaura
My Random Musings

Award-winning writer, blogger, social media consultant and charity campaigner. Social Media Manager for BritMums, the UK's largest parent blogging network Freelance clients include Firefly Communications and Save the Children UK. Works with brands on marketing projects. Examples include Visit Orlando, Give As You Live, Coca-Cola and Kodak. Cambridge Law graduate with many years experience working across three sectors in advice, media relations, events, training and project management. Available for hire at affordable rates.

10 Comments

  • Lydia C. Lee

    In Finland (& Estonia), Valentine’s Day is about your love of your friends. Maybe take it that way to celebrate – that way you are in control and organising the celebration for them. Sending them cards (incidently, I used to do that with friends about 30 years ago and one of them still mentions how much she loved getting them….so a little gesture can go a long way!)
    Great news on seeking help- I think it’s a mistake to muddle along more unhappily than we need to.

    • Michele Morin

      Sadly, media and retailers have ramped up people’s expectations to the point where Valentine’s day is a litmus test for love and self worth. Congratulations for celebrating with your kids!

      • crummymummy1

        I think there’s a lot of unnecessary pressure around events like Valentine’s Day – it’s our daughter’s birthday so the focus tends to be on that. I hope you enjoyed your treats & things are looking up now….#mischiefandmemories

  • Jo (A Rose Tinted World)

    I hope you ended up having an ok day. As you rightly point out, Valentines is a loaded day. And usually disappoints whether you are coupled or not, I find. The best love is self love, and so it is good to know that is where you are concentrating your efforts. You are worth it! #MischiefandMemories

  • Kim Carberry

    Sending love and hugs. You really ain’t having a good time at the moment. I am glad your job is going better now. I think it is a tough time for things like the Body Shop. People are short of cash and seem to be buying less. x

  • Hannah

    Definitely not uninspiring! It’s great that you’ve sought some help – good for you. And as I’ve said before, I have so much respect for you for how open and honest you are in your posts 🙂 #MMBC

  • Annette, 3 Little Buttons

    Sending loads of hugs Kate. And as Hannah has already said, not uninspiring at all. I’m sure there are lots of parents (both mums and dads) who have gone through similar and will be nodding along to familiar feelings. We were having this conversation the other day about the media really throwing on pressure around certain days/events. Some people might not want roses. Some people might prefer daffodils – and they have bought them for themselves! *just saying 🙂 Thank you for joining us for this weeks #MischiefAndMemories linky xxx

  • stickymudandbellylaughs

    Sending lots of love and hugs your way Kate. Valentine’s Day is always going to be a tough one when you are going through so much. You deserve to be happy and the time will come when you will be. Until then, be kind to yourself, treat yourself to that new top, eat that bar of chocolate, drink the sodding Baileys!
    Good times will come lovely. xx

  • loopyloulaura

    I hope the therapy helps, mine did years ago but probably not in the way she intended! I found it quite a relief to be diagnosed with depression and it gave me the kick up the bum to sort my head out (I didn’t like not being in control which was why I’d gone to her in the first place!). My hubby and me didn’t bother with anything Valentines related, we don’t think we misss out by rejecting the commercialism… Thanks for linking up with #MischiefAndMemories

  • Kirsty Hall

    Oh Kate sorry to read you have had a tough week of it. I know Valentine’s day can be tough on people. Personally it has no meaning for me, but I am sorry that it has made you feel bad about yourself. I think that is why I hate it and generally refuse to take part in it. This year I decorated for the kids and made them a special meal, but that was more about making lockdown more exciting.
    Anyway well done for seeking therapy. I finally had counselling this year to deal with the trauma of my daughter’s NICU stay and subsequent operations and ICU stays and I have to say it was fascinating and so useful as it really got to the root of my anxieties that I have had all my life. I hope it is as useful for you.
    Sending love #MischiefAndMemories

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: