So we have moved. I was so giddy about the move but right now I am just not feeling it in terms of being positive. I hate this in myself but I hope blogging it out will help.
Maybe I have relocation stress syndrome.
I think I am a bit battered and bruised by the last year. So much bad luck in recent months, one thing after another. I remember feeling a bit this way after I was royally dumped on by my ex boyfriend. Not quite trusting that anything good can turn up after so much angst. I also realise that people have far bigger problems than those we have faced so I start feeling guilty for not counting my blessings.
We did the move ourselves surrounded by pets and children so it was not the easiest and we moved hundreds of miles too so it was a bit of a challenge all round. We don’t have a ready support network of friends and relatives to help. My brother said how Mum and Dad would have pitched in to help and I am reminded as ever of how much I miss them. It bothers me that they will not visit this house tumbling in with bags of sweets and toys for the children and outfits for me that I would probably not want to wear. That’s the thing with grief – you even miss the bits that used to wind you up.
The new house is nice enough. I was relieved as I agreed to take it without seeing it. It is smaller so less of my hated housework and gardening. The neighbours have spoken to us but I know from experience sometimes they are not friendly but merely checking you out. The area is beautiful but the town/village is a bit spread out so there will be a long school run which appeals to me not one bit. We know there is space for the children in local schools but are waiting for confirmation on start dates.
I do feel at home in the house but the town/village feels like a stranger as does the area generally. It is not a county I know and I feel bit lost. I remain isolated too but that is nothing new. I think I am a person that people just generally do not take to for whatever reason.
The children went out and made friends in the street on the first day we were here. My husband has work colleagues. And then there is me.
I hope to change the isolation but that will be a bit easier once the children are in school and I can look into local opportunities for volunteering, study or whatever.
It is rotten but I put a lot of work into holding things together in the last year. Trawling job sites, helping with job applications, trawling accommodation sites, trying to tell everyone it would be OK when I was not sure of that myself.
We have ventured out about 4 times in the last week to eat or to check out the shops. It has been OK and sometimes fun but yet I sense something is missing.
It seems to me I have spent the whole of the year trying to sort stuff out and I would just like a period where I can relax and enjoy myself a bit.