My big reason to be cheerful this week is that I am letting myself off the hook. In fact, I am letting myself off several hooks. I have always worked hard, striven for more in just about every area of life and too often for poor rewards. I have started to realise I am not on the planet to do every job, to have every skill or quality or to serve everyone on demand.
Here are some areas where I am slacking and I think it is doing me the power of good.
- It is the first anniversary of my brother’s death today. I actually thought it was tomorrow so was all geared up for that date. My other brother emailed me today and referenced the anniversary and then I checked my brother’s funeral order of service. He died today a year ago. I got the date wrong and that’s OK. In the grand scheme of things, it does not matter. I loved him and cherish so many memories of a very special character. I have now emailed his widower and will go to the bar to drink in his honour tonight.
- Home education has stayed in the children’s own hands for about a week with little input from me. I can beat myself up about this or I can get real and recognise that most children are still on school holidays so we can have a relaxing time too. We can get back to learning any time we choose.
- My 17 year old is still not sure exactly what he wants to do but would like to work in theatre, film, gaming or politics. He also has a key hope for next year that he will work towards. I walk and talk with him. I am recognising that he really does need to work out his own future. I can advise and support but ultimately he must live his own life his way.
- I was just offered a bit of work to do today or tomorrow. I chose tomorrow which is so unlike me. Normally I would do anything to meet the tightest deadline. It is not necessary to do so. There are more important matters to attend to today in terms of marking my brother’s passing.
- I am going to tread less carefully of other people’s feelings around my adoption. I want to trace my family tree and although I will try to be sensitive I am not going to run away from contacting people or asking questions. My adoption was not my fault so I refuse to suffer any more as a result of it.
- Finally I am letting myself off the hook of seeing myself negatively. Recently I have looked in the mirror for possibly the first time in my life and actually liked what I see. I am OK. I should have realised this a long time ago but now I have I am going to revel in the new and improved me.