Looking for the bright side of life

I am struggling emotionally. I am not really sure why but that beast of depression is knocking on my door. I am not going to let it in but that means I need to take care of myself. I think it started last week when someone we had just met questioned things like our home education choice and the fact my children are not sporty. I can do a very good job of questioning myself as a mum as it is. I really don’t need any help in that regard.

Then there is the on going lack of a perfect marriage. I probably need to work out that marriages are not perfect and to work out what I want out of life.  I am confronting my oldest son leaving  home with the inevitable emotional pain that brings. If we want to move, it looks like we will have to rehome our pets. With growing teenagers, I seem less and less relevant.

The good thing is that I am self-aware enough to recognise that knock on the door and to tackle it. I have not eaten well for a while so am changing that. I do wish Spring would hurry up and get here instead of just sending occasional bright days that tease. Anyway, part of the baby steps to good mental health which can come quickly is to count the positives and there are always some if we look for them.

House viewing

We saw a house that was in a great location and perfect for us. It is much smaller and more manageable than where we are now. As I get older, I just want some easier options and this house was so practical. However, it looks like we would have to rehome our pets to get it and I will miss them if they go. I find it so challenging to make up my mind about anything these days and that gets me down.

Home education

I had an almighty wobble about home education this week. I ranted a bit. I could so a school type day so well I think but that is not how home education seems to work which is great but also wobble-inducing. I have happy teenagers. That should be enough I guess but I worry so much.  Anyway, I sought the support of Home Education UK on Facebook and had so much back-up. Seems I also helped others by highlighting concerns they share. Plus an old contact from my days in Leeds got in touch and said I could vent at her and I just out-poured a whole heap of stuff. It felt better for getting it out there. Yesterday we did French which we do a lot of to be fair and also some mathematics. Today I have done some poetry to mark World Poetry Day with my son sharing Larkin and T.S.Eliot. My son impressed me listening intently and by sharing his insights too. So I guess wobbles or not, I am teaching them along the way. I am going to invest in some more workbooks as I need them to hold my hand.

Shopping

We did the big supermarket shop last night. This always cheers me as it gives us lots of choices for meals and I do like to make the most of our freezer. My husband cooked a lovely meal with lamb last night which I have not had for a couple of years or so. It is always a favourite.

Working things out

I am aware that low moods are a way of the universe telling us to wake up a bit. I miss easy conversations with adults. I miss making a difference like I used to do when working for charities. I need more stimulation and to stop always blaming my husband when I am bored.  Also I sometimes feel hemmed in – I rarely get any time just for me and so inevitably that becomes challenging. I could do with a break for a night or two and I can work towards that.  had an horrendous period this week so painful and longer-lasting than usual. I imagine that the journey to menopause has an impact on our emotions too.

Celebrating positive changes

The fact is I live in a lovely community where I can access laughter and conversation when I want to do so. This is so much more than I had for so many years. I need to remember that. I live in beautiful countryside and although a move to a village would be good, I should be pleased that we have lovely surroundings right now. Whatever the choices moving forwards, we have had a mighty good adventure in the last 2 years that we have all learned from.

This is a mixed bag of sad stuff and happy stuff but I think the fact I can see the good for the trees is a sign that depression may knock but is an unwelcome guest who I will turn away.


R2BC at Mummy from the Heart

“Reflections
Musings Of A Tired Mummy
Twin Mummy and Daddy
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3 Little Buttons

Confessions of a New Mummy

19 thoughts on “Looking for the bright side of life”

  1. Sending hugs! So sorry you are not doing well emotionally.
    Try not to listen to other people when they question your parenting decisions. My teen is not sporty at all and does just fine!
    That is a hard choice about the new house. I can understand why you find it challenging!
    The home education sounds so interesting. Choosing what you study is wonderful. x

  2. So sorry to hear you are having a tough time of late. Please don’t be too hard on yourself about your homeschooling journey. We all have wobbles! But you are doing an amazing job.
    I hope everything turns out OK with the house move too, it must be a difficult decision to make.

    Sending the biggest hug lovely lady! xx

    #MMBC

  3. It’s so nice to read that even though you’ve been having a tough time, you appreciate the good things too. I’m sorry to see you’ve been having a tough time lately though x #stayclassymama

  4. And my daughter is not home schooled but goes to bed every night anxious about the next day and wakes up every morning pleading with me to let her stay home. There’s no real cause she or I can point to and she’s happy enough in school when she gets there. So no life choices are perfect as far as I can tell. Every path has it pluses and minuses. Hang in there and lots of love from Jerusalem. xxx

  5. I’m retired and did downsize in terms of house size and less cleaning. It would be horrible to lose your pets to downsize. I don’t know how many pets you have but dogs and cats make life better. #MMBC

  6. It is really good that you have such great insight and can feel the knocking which then triggers you to make changes, I missed or ignored a lot of signs last year and it lead me to being much more unwell than I should have been had I addressed things earlier. It also sounds like you have a lot going on and that is bound to make anyone wobble, you are not alone! Your honesty and they way you share really helps so many, including me so thank you! Thanks for sharing with #ABloggingGoodTime and honestly email me if you ever want to have a vent! Take care beautiful xx

  7. I’m sorry that things are a struggle at the moment and I hope that focussing on the positives helps to overcome the worst of the blues. Thanks for linking up with #stayclassymama

  8. Life has a habit of up and downing on us regularly doesn’t it? Some things we can control, others we just need to ride through as best we can. I hope you keep being kind to yourself, lower your expectations (a big one for me!) and rest when you can. Once depression gets a hold on you it’s very hard to shake off, so I’m glad you’ve recognized the first tentacles and that you’re doing your best to stop it getting on top of you. Sending you a hug from Australia x

  9. Kate, I really feel for you reading this. Life is never easy and I think if you are prone to bouts of depression/low mood things will feel as though they’re getting on top of you. It sounds like you’re working really hard to address all the issues but I agree that you could do with some time alone. Being around people all the time (esp as you homeschool) is going to take its toll as you have no down time. Don’t forget to make yourself a priority once in a while x #twinkly tuesday

  10. It seems to me that you are doing all the right things to keep that depression at bay. It really is a sod isn’t it refusing to just go away forever!?! Thank you for sharing your feelings with the #DreamTeam

  11. I think one thing to take from this is that you’re self aware… this means you can try to take charge and prevent your emotions from running away with you. As you know we’re in a very similar boat; unfortunately with putting our cat down yesterday I’m worried thats the last straw for me. However for now I’m taking my tears as grief.
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. Sorry for the late comment.

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