I have not written a Reasons to be Cheerful post. The reason is quite silly. I like to get these posts right as it is still the most meaningful linky I take part in. This may because is was the first or quite possibly because it got me on the road to counting my blessings and changing my life for the better. So when the day for it rolls around, I like to write a post that matters. I have now worked out along with a lot of soul-searching recently that this is me all over. I am constantly striving to be perfect and then beating myself up emotionally when I don’t meet my own standards. So as part of my self-awareness and willingness to let go a little bit, doing a Reasons to Be Cheerful post this week is a positive in its own right.
13 years ago I had a C-section and out popped my youngest son. He weighed in at 11 pounds and 8 ounces! He looked like a cute pirate and he shook our family up in the most marvellous way. He is my extrovert, the one with charisma and comedy timing. He is amazing because he is also kind, a wise counsellor and has grown to look after me in the most lovely ways too. I suspect he will go far and quite possibly change the world as he is super-bright, does most things well and has great people skills. When I question my parenting, he tells me I can’t have done that bad as he is still here. As I said before, he is wise beyond his years.
My daughter will have new glasses very soon. Her eyesight has hardly deteriorated which is such good news. She entertains me with her strong opinions – very much the mini-me so if I failed miserably, she will be my torch bearer moving forwards perhaps. She is quite political hating racism, sexism and injustice in all its forms. She is so focussed in what she does working most of the day on art, design and stories. Better still, she is confident in her own skin and believes she is gorgeous but not in an arrogant way just in a way that it is a given. How I envy her getting to this realisation so early in life!
My almost 18 year old
My other son turns 18 in exactly 2 weeks time. I have a son who is bright but lacks confidence currently. He is happier now he has some plans in place for his future.. He is likely to do something around history and/or politics. He is also excited about various gaming things which seem to be nicely time-tabled around his birthday. He was out with us on Halloween night insisting on dishing out sweets to customers in the bar and on the street. He spoke at length about his views on Trump and so on. He knows so much about world politics and puts me to shame on that score. He also really impressed me by saying he always looks for both right and left wing media outlets before coming to his own view. He is as a bright as a button and his challenge now is to feel that way. He has also started to shave at last!
Shock! Horror! My husband turned up in a scary mask to the bar the other night. He appears to have found a little bit of a fun factor. He also did me a really big favour stepping up as a parent in a huge way leading to him having good quality time with our youngest children including a visit to an aquarium amongst other things. Finally, he has just negotiated a good price on a car repair – hurray! I think he is trying to understand me. He never will I fear but he is at least trying.
I am a little all over the place at the moment. I have hit a period in life when I am not sure what I want moving forwards on so many fronts. Where do I want to live? What do I want to do work and/or volunteering wise? Why am I here? Perhaps what used to be called The Change makes us want one. I guess it is a time when a lot of our hopes and dreams have inevitably not panned out as we imagined when we were teenagers. In fact, I think this is a time when a lot of emotions we have as teenagers are present again in full force.
On the positive front, I have people who like me here. That’s quite a revelation. I feel I have missed out on friends in the real world for so many years. It has been lonely for a long time. I like to laugh and talk and I can do that here. I have learned that I need to curb my drinking but have realised I can indeed go out and have a good time without drinking to excess. Plus my health needs me to take better care of myself so I am eating more healthily too and seen 5 pounds slip off in a week. These days I worry less about the numbers on scales and more about how I feel and whether I am in pain or discomfort.
Another great thing is that I workbooks in place now which is helping me structure home education which I prefer even if so many home educators don’t. I may be over-schooled but I need some structure to prevent me wobbling about our lifestyle choice of educating at home.. I feel we are moving on in mathematics particularly well. We are now getting things going earlier in the morning which an education consultant told me years ago is the way forward.
So yes I have plenty of reasons to be cheerful and perhaps can convince myself that over the decades I did get some things right. There is work to do and a whole lot of self-care and mindfulness needs to be put on my agenda methinks.