I am half hoping nobody reads this as I feel awful about keep going on and on about the tough stuff.
I know so many people are facing harder times but we are struggling a bit to keep upbeat all the time with this so-and-so ing redundancy situation.
We have both had redundancy situations in the past but always because of funding issues in the charities we worked for. That is hard but not hurtful as in the current situation where the Royal British Legion have dumped my husband after so many years of loyal service and whilst recruiting other staff to do very similar roles (they would argue that point of course).
My husband has had two weeks of travelling up and down the UK trying to find work. Interviews most days and sometimes twice a day. No job offer and he is clearly struggling emotionally. And he hates that. He is not a person who is comfortable in sharing his feelings so they get bottled up and then express themselves in anger and impatience.
He is tired. He is worried about finances.
The final straw came when we were told our car can only be put back on the road if we spend £1000 or more. We need the car really to attend interviews. Also it is my late Dad’s car and somehow that still matters to me.
I feel like I am walking on egg shells.
And I am a proud person who does not react well when I feel got at or put down. To much like my late Mum in that regard.
Am I the most supportive wife in the world? No – I have always been better at taking practical action to help rather than doing the “there, there” stuff.
Also when someone struggles to tell you how they feel, it is hard to know quite how to support them.
So I have put my efforts into trawling job sites and helping with job applications (quite a lot as it goes).
I am also trying to find bits of work for me to keep the wolf from the door.
There is also the underlying resentment that I was not listened to when I saw the warning signs that my husband would have been better to jump ship from the Legion months or years ago. That makes me rotten I know but it is there and sometimes it is expressed by me in perhaps not the most ideal ways.
I have suggested my husband sees the GP. He is probably depressed and maybe needs a little help for now.
How terrible of me who has experienced depression to not have a clue what to say or do to support someone in its grip.
We will be OK in the medium to long-term. We have to hold onto that belief but sometimes it is hard to do.