Tracing my birth family has not happened all at once. In my twenties I got found out the basic information. This basically meant I found out I had Irish parents who were not married and who had already had one child who they had adopted out to Ireland. I also found out other children were put up for adoption by my birth mother afterwards. There seems to be some confusion as to whether there were four or five of us in all.
With the help of Social Services, I wrote to my birth mum and she wrote back. She had returned to Ireland, married and had four more children. I am in touch with some of these and they are amazing people and very generous in putting up with the sister they knew nothing about for so many years.
For me it was always about tracing my birth mum but for some reason recently I find myself wanting to know more about my birth father. For various reasons, I do not think Social Services could help too much with this. Their focus was on mother and baby back then. I have shared a post on what I know about my birth father before.
To date, I have messaged people with his full name or his surname on Facebook. I don’t want to cause hassle to anyone but equally I feel I have a right to claim my identity in some way. I would also like him to know that it all worked out alright in the end for me and to know it did for him too. There may of course be a whole new family of half-siblings to discover too.
Due to the number of people I have contacted and the lack of so many responses I do wonder if my birth father does not wish to be found. I know he could be dead or even in prison. Who knows? It is best to prepare myself for everything as best I can.
Some people have responded to me. We have ruled out some people with his name as the dates of his birthday and so on do not match. Some people are really trying to help as best they can and that amazes me considering that they are strangers. Having said that I suspect the Irish are quite used to babies turning up decades later laying some sort of claim as so many Irish babies were adopted in what an Aunt of mine refers to as “very different times”
I have contacted the local newspaper for the area he came from and they have offered advertising rates if I want to go down that route either in the paper or via social media.
I am wondering if the Salvation Army or Missing People could help.
The search is of course taking hours of my time. It is exhausting sometimes but also addictive. I need to look after myself better in all of this. Last week, I felt so tired and emotional. This is not good as it impacts on family life here too.
I don’t know quite why but I suddenly had a realisation which is new and I think important. I know that I come by birth from the Joyce and Codd families. That remains the case whether I was rejected/adopted or not. As I look at the longer-term history of these fascinating families, there is so much to like and these are my people just as much as the Thornton and Holmes families that became mine via adoption. Not only that but my three children have Joyce and Codd within them from my birth family and their children will too.
So I will continue the search for my birth family with a little more balance and with the knowledge that I know my birth family already via history and more vitally by the three amazing personalities that live right here with me totally in my line of sight.