We don’t have sex anymore. There! I said it! It’s not unknown for me to be called an over sharer so let’s go for gold! I do have a reason for writing this post and it’s not that I am looking for sex. It just strikes me having revealed my predicament to a few online friends that not having sex is more common than we might think even if we are in committed relationships or perhaps especially if we are. What do I know?
I did not lose my virginity until I was about 26 years of age. I never expected anyone would want to do the deed with me but then I had this mad idea I was so fat and ugly. I shied away from blokes who showed any interest whatsoever convincing myself I must be reading the signals wrong. I also thought if I ever responded they would turn round and say they were only joking.
Sex dried up here a few months ago. My husband for 10 years and sexual partner for 20 tells me he is impotent. He says he does not like the situation. He says he still desires me. He says the situation might change. I think he sees it only as his issue but that is perhaps unfair.
Having not had sex until well into my twenties, I know I can live happily without it. I always think sex is like your favourite bar of chocolate in that way. You don’t have to have it but it is lovely when you do.
What I hate is that my husband barely touches me at all in any way. We used to snuggle up watching the telly. That stopped years ago and he seems to find the idea of sitting with me unappealing. I could use a stronger word but then I would probably be being unfair.
It feels odd as we are in a community where touch is part of the culture. So if we go out to the bar, I will touch both men and women as will my husband. It just highlights the lack of touch between us. I have pointed this out and occasionally my husband will touch me but never in bed and in quite an awkward fashion that makes it clear he is just doing it because I have made a fuss. Again, perhaps that is unfair of me but he clearly does not want to talk about the issue.
My husband is a long-term viewer of pornography. I have always hated this along with his occasional forays into joining dating sites apparently because he is bored. How he thinks that does not result in me thinking I am boring to him I do not know. I am asked to understand. I read that long-term use of pornography can lead to impotence which makes me mildly amused. How very ironic!
I have pointed out having done my research that my husband being an older man and in any event, the impotence may be a sign of health issues including heart disease and diabetes. This is a message my husband clearly does not wish to here.
I thought that I could live without sex for the rest of my natural and I do sort of still believe that and obviously as a good married woman I should. Weirdly and absolutely out of character having had too much to drink I apparently said I wanted to have sex with a young male friend we have made. I did this in front of others and my husband was of course outraged. I can absolutely see I was out of order and still cannot recall saying it so have curtailed my drinking.
Anyway, the point of this post is to wonder why we are not more open about sex coming to an end for whatever reason. In my second pregnancy we gave up on sex for a few months as the bump really did get in the way. Sometimes couples are busy with work or babies and sex goes on the backburner for a while. Sometimes couples choose not to have sex for all manner of reasons. But nobody says so.
Bloggers like to talk about just about anything yet when I asked for other experiences for this post even on an anonymous basis nobody offered or responded in any way. So impotence or no sex for a while seem to be taboo issues. I even asked a GP friend via social media and he failed to reply.
So perhaps I am wrong to blog about it but perhaps I am not and perhaps it will help someone when I say “No sex here, we’re British!” But then again, I am having a French adventure and they do say the French make great lovers. Joke!