What if I was attractive to men all along?

A couple of months ago I decided I was going to carry out a “What if?” experiment. It struck me that we can choose what stories we tell ourselves about our lives. If we choose a negative script we can feel so unhappy. Maybe it can be as easy as looking at things in different way. Even if we have it wrong does it really matter if we are thinking positively anyway?

This has the potential to be a mortifyingly embarrassing post. It’s another of those that I just going to write and see where it takes me.

Am I attractive to men? All my life I have told myself that I am not remotely of interest to blokes. I am the intelligent one, the non-sporty one, the non-stylish one, the boring one! That had been my script all my life. When I was a teenager, my late mum would point out blokes looking at me with appreciation. I thought she was mad and could never see it myself. I remember one was a fishmonger and one was a butcher – perhaps my mum was just after a discount!

At school, boys seemed to like the ones who went pubbing and clubbing. I was late to this really starting going out at almost 17 when it felt like everyone else had been doing it for year. I was scared to dance and just use to sit there always preferring to talk over most things. Not exactly a young man’s dream.

I went to a male-dominated college where women were very much in the minority. Not only were the other women there super-bright but also incredibly pretty. And then there was me always thinking I was fat and ugly. I look back now of course and see a very obese size 8-10 that I would love to go back to! I had a lovely skin and wavy hair but just did not rate myself on the attractiveness front.

There were no boyfriends for me at college. There were no boyfriends for a long time. I was the forever virgin. I wore it heavily not because I wanted to leap into bed with anyone particularly but because back then it seemed like the worst label you could have.

So let’s change the script for a giggle if nowt else.

What if my mum was right all along? Imagine all the free meat and fish! As I have got older myself, I see things that I did not when I was younger. I see how teens are already looking with interest at my daughter. She has no idea of it at all and would respond as I used to if I mentioned it. Now seeing as everyone says she looks just like me, that can only mean I was attractive too. Also I see women who I think are beautiful denigrating their looks all the time. Perhaps we really do not see ourselves as others do.

If I flick a switch  in my brain, I can convince myself that I must have broken a heart or two in my time at college where I was so standoffish with men. After all with so few women around, I must have been considered as potential girlfriend material at least once. I did have male friends. They invited me to events. I found myself in their rooms at their invitation and they called around. So at the very least I had male friends and perhaps some of them were looking for more. Before you shout me down, remember this is just a fun exercise of the what if variety.

When I was in my early twenties, I met a writer who invited me to dinner. I thought this was to discuss writing of course and just panicked when he came in for a kiss. I was always convinced that if a bloke made a move, his mates would be just around the corner and it would be some set-up to make me look like an idiot. As I say,  doing the what if exercise at least means I can imagine that hearts were swooning at my very presence lol.

I think my lack of confidence with  men led me to getting involved with older and perhaps not entirely the best men in terms of values and so on. I was always too grateful for what I thought was their pity. I think older men are just that much more savvy and know how to break down barriers. I have lived with two men both of whom I think have treated me poorly although they will have their own stories.

Anyway, I find myself in my dotage questioning whether a certain person is interested in me. It’s a bit like being a teenager again as I analyse whatever signs I can come up with both for and against the theory he has a romantic interest in me. A friend told me at the very least I can enjoy the positive attention and I think there is wisdom in that and perhaps this time due to the what if exercise  with more belief that I am attractive and the Prince may be just around the corner not that I need him of course as a strong independent woman but hey a little of what you fancy does you good.

Lucy At Home UK parenting blogger

My Random Musings

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12 Comments

  1. Candi August 10, 2018 / 7:05 pm

    I agree with your friend! Enjoy the attention – I actually think that people often become more attractive when they realise that others see them that way

  2. RaisieBay August 11, 2018 / 10:11 pm

    We could all play the ‘what if’ game. I never thought I was attractive either, I did hook up with an older man when I was just 16 and spent 14 years with him. He never complimented me and I think that’s why I find it so hard to accept compliments now. I look back at photos of me (of which there are few because I hated having my photo taken) and I wonder what on earth I was doing, how could I have felt that way. In the end I believe it’s not what you look like, everyone is beautiful in their own way. A very thoughtful post x
    #blogcrush

  3. Karen Dennis August 13, 2018 / 9:23 am

    Enjoy the attention while you can is my motto #anythinggoes@_karendennis

  4. Jeremy@ThirstyDaddy August 14, 2018 / 2:10 pm

    I’ve found that no matter how old we get or how comfortable with ourselves we may be, a bit of positive attention is good for the soul. I say enjoy it and see what happens #anythinggoes

  5. mummyhereandthere August 15, 2018 / 7:23 am

    Everyone is different, so while knows who finds who attractive. It can feel good to know that some one wants to give you attention X #anythinggoes

  6. Denise August 15, 2018 / 11:17 am

    It’s funny how when we are young we think that we are so fat and ugly and now i would kill to look like my youger slim self! I think it’s true that most of us do not recognise our own beauty #BloggerClubUK

  7. Mum25boys August 15, 2018 / 1:15 pm

    its each to their own. beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

  8. Lucy At Home August 15, 2018 / 7:55 pm

    What a great “what if?” question. I think you’re right that we just don’t see what others see in us and, as others have commented, “attractive” means different things to different people and everybody has a different type that they are drawn to. Just see where this new line of thought could take you… #blogcrush

  9. mackenzieglanville August 16, 2018 / 11:01 pm

    Life scripts can be so damaging, I have spoken negatively to myself for so many years! I had a bit of a breakthrough 4 years ago and started to do things I enjoyed more, like writing and starting my blog which helped give me a little confidence back and begin to actually like myself for the first time ever. Recently I have been suffering anxiety and have found negative self talk coming back, I am not smart, I am a burden etc, but I am working hard on trying to build self love and be kinder to myself again, It is not easy to break the lifelong negative self beliefs and talk, but I am determined to work on it! Hope you can too! #TriumphantTales.
    @mummyharris86 & @JakiJellz

  10. Becky Willoughby (@LakesSingleMum) August 18, 2018 / 3:13 pm

    I have never thought blokes would fancy me much! I used to be a size 12 and did attract the blokes but now I think I hide behind my size 18..

  11. Mrs Mummy Harris August 19, 2018 / 9:36 pm

    Definitely enjoy the attention! I always saw myself as an ugly ducking, thinking that the guys saw me as a friend as I don’t really mix well with girls. I too look back at old photos when I thought I was fat and wish I could have that figure! Three kids and two pregnancies later I pray Hubby don’t leave me as no-one is gonna want this mess!
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week… oh and keep us posted on the attention you’re getting!

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