Is your child upset about Zayn leaving One Direction? Our new agony aunt Molly Coddle has some words of advice for you.
There is no doubt fans feel a real sense of loss.
What can you say to your child if they are devastated by the One Direction News?
1. Zayn leaving One Direction as a voluntary act. This is what he either wants or needs.
“I am leaving because I want to be a normal 22-year old who is able to relax and have some private time out of the spotlight,” he said in a statement posted on the band’s Facebook page.
If you really care about the band members, wish him well as he continues to his next chapter.
2. The band is staying together. One Direction might now to be Four-fifths direction but the band will play on.
3. It is a sign of strength to express feelings. Crying is an OK thing to do.
4. Seeking support is also a great thing to do in life. Encourage your child to reach out for your support and that of peers.
5. It will be a very lucky parent who has not experienced a loss of some sort in their lives. Empathise with your child and show them that you do understand.
6. Zayn leaving One Direction has led to negative things happening as people respond to the news including encouragement of self-harm. Make sure you are clued up on this and remain vigilant. Don’t be afraid to have a discussion about such issues. The MIND charity has helpful information about self-harm.
7. Encourage your child to find a balance between being online and getting out in the fresh air or doing other things. It could so easily become obsessive to sit taking part in the outpouring of grief online so a good balance now is even more important than usual.
8. Ask your child directly what would make them feel better and how you can help.
9. Ask your child what might happen next? Solo careers, changes of direction (no pun intended)) reunions in time – the world really has not ended. Gently remind them that there was a life before One Direction. Zayn leaving One Direction may in time be shown to be the best thing for himself, the band and others.
10. If the grieving behaviour continues or you have concerns, teach your child the right way to live life by reaching out for the support that is available for your parenting and for their mental health.
When Culture Club split up for the first time, I was a teenager. It was very upsetting and especially as Boy George was clearly not well or engaging in the best behaviours. Decades later Boy George is still alive and the Culture Club dramas continue. Life really does go on.
My next upset was when Freddie Mercury died. I can still cry about this all these years later and that is OK. I celebrate his life and music. I share it with my children. I try to incorporate some of his wisdom into my own life in a very small way.
As for my daughter, she is happy about the One Direction news as she has never liked the group. She has never being one to follow the crowd and I guess in that she is like Zayn although I have no intention of sharing that analogy with her.
How do you help your child cope in situations like this?
Here is this week’s Striking Mums post and better late than never.
Should I take a risk? How often do you ask yourself that question.
Striking Mums is a campaign to get mums to think of themselves a little bit more. We believe that mums really can rediscover or reinvent themselves. We also believe that a little back up and peer support from other mums can only help with that.
You can link up any post or if you don’t blog leave a comment about how you are proactively changing your life for the better.
This week I am reflecting on risk-taking and if you find the following questions helpful, please feel free to answer them either on your blog, in a comment or in your own head.
I will post my answers tomorrow and here are the questions.
1. Would you describe yourself as a risk taker?
2. What, if anything, concerns you about taking a risk?
3. What is the worst thing that could happen if you take a risk?
4. Tell us a situation where taking a risk paid off for you
5. Tell us about a situation where taking a risk resulted in harm to you or yours
6. What risk are you tempted to take right now?
7. What would help you feel better about taking that risk?
8. What risk did you not take that you now wish you had?
9. Do you admire people who take risks?
10. Can you think of someone famous or otherwise who is a inspirational risk-taker? What can you learn from them?
Do you feel it is too often more about them and less about you?
Do you feel a little frumpy?
Are you feeling isolated with the challenges you face?
Have you given up on your hopes and dreams?
Fancy rediscovering or reinventing yourself?
If ONE or more of these touch a nerve, we have news for you.
Welcome to Striking Mums!
Striking Mums is a simple initiative that can move mountains and help you change your life in tiny and huge ways.
You decide on what you want to change or to achieve and a supportive group of mums help you along the way.
It’s all about taking baby steps to a whole new you.
So how does Striking Mums work?
Every Sunday there will be a Striking Mums post on this blog. It aims to inspire and to perhaps suggest ideas you may not have thought about already. There is a linky so that you can post about how you are getting on. Other mums will visit your blog and lend their support.
We hold regular #strikingmums Twitter parties and welcome your input on what particular questions or issues you would like to discuss.
Meet-ups and retreats are on the agenda for the future.
So how does that sound to you?
How to feel better as a mum – it’s as simple as becoming a Striking Mum.
Striking – stand out as the individual you are
Striking – take some well-deserved you time
Striking – you are beautiful inside and out whether you feel that way or not.
In fact, I would love you to post on your social networks as often as you can about how you are doing on these 3 fronts and please use hashtag #strikingmums. The more we spread the word the more mums move forwards positively and proactively.
As for me this week, I can claim to be on of the #strikingmums as ..
1. I have looked through old photos and posted some on social networks to remind myself and others who I am.
2. I have stayed up late after the family have gone to bed to pursue some of my own interests.
3. I don’t like the way I look currently but I acknowledge that I am moving towards beauty as I take control of my weight.
You can link up any blog where you show you are taking steps large or tiny towards the present and future that you want.
Here are some tasks/questions that might help you compose a post but please don’t feel constrained by these. Striking Mums is possibly the most flexible linky on the planet.
1. Look at an old photograph of yourself. How does it make you feel? What hopes and dreams did that person have? What things did they enjoy doing? What might this person say to you now?
2. How will you carve out time for yourself and your interests in 2015?
3. What would you like to change about the way you look? What can you celebrate now about your own individual beauty?
4. What are your personal goals for 2015? Who or what can help you achieve them?
Let’s get striking and don’t forget to put the Striking Mums badge (you will find it in my right hand sidebar) created by my friend Jo on your blog.
If you don’t blog in join us on Facebook and/or Twitter and feel free to leave a comment on this post. We will show you how to be a happy mum.