Home education guilt is something that haunts me on days like today. I got up in a great mood but there was loads of housework to be done after a busy weekend. So as the children were happily doing their own thing including gaming and art, I prioritised cleaning and tidying the house.
We had a leak at the weekend too so there was the mess from that to contend with too. My good mood remained and I felt I was on a roll and would do some positive home education come the afternoon.
Then our landlord announced he wants to do a house inspection this weekend. I hate the idea as although I do housework every single day, dogs and children add to mess daily too. So I started to feel anxious as I hate feeling judged and of course can do that quite effectively against myself at the best of times. By the time I had calmed down there was work to be done.
The day slipped away hour by hour with the children largely left to their own devices. Pressure builds up and I start feeling I am not doing well enough by the children.
Thank goodness for the amazing Ross Mountney and her books. I have resolved to keep reading them every day as a bit of a touchstone that I an not going mad. Indeed, in “A Home Education Notebook” the introduction is all about losing the plot. Just like with so many parenting challenges, blogging it out can help I find and I intend to do far more of this.
The problem is that I compare myself to others both home educators and people who have children in state and private schools. However, perhaps some people out there compare themselves to me – you never know! I do have some of my own ideas such as sending my children out into the world with some really great values. I learn from others. I try different things from time to time. Perhaps I am not totally useless but on days like today I am filled with home education guilt.
I need to remind myself that my daughter was threatening serious self-harm when in school. Now she is sitting happily working on art designs. She is not stressed remotely.
It’s also important to note that I care more as a mum than any teacher ever could about my children. That makes wobbly days hard to face particularly when there are other troubles at play.
When did I ever really question the teachers in school as to just how much learning my children had done each day? If I trusted them, why can’t I trust myself.
Who am I kidding? If you make a brave choice and leap off into the unknown, it is going to feel scary. I just have to keep the faith and know that home education is working and has worked for so many people. Who’s to say our journey won’t be a successful one whatever that means anyway? Time will tell.
Do you experience home education guilt?
Tales From Mamaville