Women in Midlife: 11 Things To Let Go of This October

We’re not afraid of monsters under the bed. I quite miss my little monsters.

We’re afraid of starting over. I have struggled to adapt to the single life.

We’re afraid of getting it wrong. I am all too well aware in midlife we have less time available to muck up.

We’re afraid of running out of time. Suddenly health issues turn up and can blindside us.

Women in midlife

As October arrives, I’ve been thinking about the fears many of us carry around quietly. The ones that don’t show up in horror films but can still keep us awake at 3am.

The fear of feeling lonely. (Solitude can be pleasant).

The fear of making a mistake. (Like a human being).

The fear of change. (Which will come whether we feel ready for it or not).

The fear of staying exactly where we are. (Which is not really living at all unless we are 100 per cent happy with our lot).

What I’ve learned over the past bumpy few years is that fear doesn’t disappear. But sometimes we can choose not to carry it quite so tightly. It is after all merely false evidence appearing real.

So this October, here are 11 things I’m letting go of.

1. The need to have everything figured out

Life rarely follows a neat plan. Sometimes the next step only becomes clear once you take the first one. I don’t think I would be living right by the sea or have retrained or gone back to university if my marriage had continued.

2. Comparing my timeline to everyone else’s

Someone will always seem further ahead or behind for that matter. The only journey I’m living is my own and social media has its own dangerous brand of fakery.

3. Believing I’m too old for a fresh start

Whether it’s a new career, a new business, a new friendship or a new relationship, midlife is not the end of the story. I never thought anyone except my ex could want to date me. As it happens, dates are not hard to find and even better, I actually know what I will and won’t put up with these days.

4. Worrying about what people think

Most people are far too busy worrying about themselves to spend much time judging me. In other words, too many of us live in our own heads assuming the worst. Other people’s opinions are none of my business. Read that again please. Take it to your heart and find your life transformed.

5. Perfectionism

Done is often better than perfect. Especially when it comes to writing, creating and chasing dreams. Good enough really is good enough!

6. The pressure to please everyone

A difficult lesson, but an important one.

7. The guilt that comes with putting myself first

Women are often taught to look after everyone else before themselves. I’m learning that self-care isn’t selfish. Yes there is that bit about putting your own oxygen mask on first. That’s not strong enough for me. Self-care matters not only so you can be fit to care for others. You are an amazing woman and deserve lovely and indulgent times too.

8. Fear of taking a chance

Not every opportunity will work out. But neither will the opportunities I never take. I learn from my mistakes.

9. Carrying old disappointments

The past has shaped me, but it doesn’t get to define my future. Or at least I must not let it.

10. Thinking I need permission

To write the blog. Apply for the job. Start the project. Take up space. It is actually fine to play with life your way and see what happens.

11. The belief that the best is behind me

Because what if the best chapter hasn’t happened yet?

Final thoughts for women in midlife

Perhaps that’s the real magic of autumn.

The leaves let go of what they no longer need and somehow become more beautiful and colourful in the process.

As we move through October, maybe we can do the same.

Not perfectly.

Not all at once.

But little by little. Baby steps.

And perhaps the scariest thing of all isn’t change.

Maybe what we view as a crisis in midlife is actually just a nudge to discover new hopes and dreams.

What might happen if we finally stop being afraid of the now and dance wildly through those colourful Autumn leaves.

What are you letting go of this October? 🍂🎃