10 ways to be a happy mum

What are 10 ways to be a happy mum? Not every mum is happy all of the time or even most of the time.

me

I love my children but there are times when I have struggled so as I hit the teen and tween years, I am going to share some of my lessons on what has helped me be happier as a mum.

1. Have confidence in yourself and your ability to be a mum. People have done it for years so why should you be the one who messes it up? Believe you are a great mum and see what happens.

2. Look at your own individual circumstances. Some mums have a massive support network of family, friends and colleagues. A lot don’t and then try to measure up to those that do. How can you realistically have hot date nights, a fabulous career and look glamorous if you are the one who is always holding the baby?

3. Accept from day one that some people will judge you adversely. I was told I was an inadequate mum when I returned to work when my first son was 6 weeks old. If I was, I also earned money for the family, kept my sanity and gave my parents precious and as it turned our limited time with their first grandson.

4. Try to carve out time for yourself and your own interests. It is a challenge but even if you just insist on having 10 minutes to yourself a day, it can remind you who you are and what you like.

5. State very clearly and in writing if necessary what you need people to do to help you. Do you need your parents to show you how to do DIY or housework more effectively? Would you be happier if your partner took the baby to soft play once a week to give you a rest? Whatever works for you, let them know!

6. Be aware that if you feel sad or fed up with a life a lot of the time, you may be experiencing depressionhappytoday. Take it from one who tried, you cannot get through this without help. Get to the GP (and write down that is what you need for your family or friends if you can’t face going) and access medication or talking therapies. PLEASE!

7. Remember your children will love you anyway. That fact should not be abused but they will celebrate the mum and person you are not some media fantasty mum. Make sure they know who you are because not to put too fine a point on it they will probably give your eulogy one day. It would be good for them to have something to say.

8. If housework is overwhelming, work out a system that ensures the house at least habitable. For me, I started by doing housework in short spurts during telly advert breaks. That was all I could handle at the time but if made me feel more in control and I built on that over time. Just give me a day before you announce your visit!

9. Take every media image of motherhood, research study,parenting book and webiste with a huge pinch of salt. They are tastier that way and for goodness sake laugh at some of them. Always look at who is behind the research or whatever and what is in it for them.

10. Accept that just as you are an individual so are your children. They will develop at their own rate and have their own talents, skills and interests which may not match yours. Celebrate the people they are and make some amazing memories together.

If you think I talk sense let me know and if you don’t forgive this old wife for having her own tale!

Even better, why not put a pin it and add the image below to Pinterest and then a mum who needs a little back-up just might get it.

The Pramshed



Jacky Ha-Ha Book

53 Comments

  1. Candace October 17, 2015 / 10:50 am

    Some fabulous advice x

    • Kate Davis-Holmes
      Author
      October 17, 2015 / 11:44 am

      A lot of it learned the hard way but when the clouds life all the better for that

  2. Louise Edwards October 17, 2015 / 4:17 pm

    Great tips – being a mum is such an overwhelming and all consuming experience you absolutely need to make some time for yourself (somehow!). Blogging game me that space back xx

  3. Elyse Silver October 17, 2015 / 5:28 pm

    Great post lovely, luckily my sons are only 6, 8 and 9 so I’ve a few years until we get to the tween age x

  4. Jaklien October 17, 2015 / 6:46 pm

    Such great advice for mums. I have a friend who is expecting and she’s really worried whether she’ll cope. But I know she will be ok.

  5. carla October 17, 2015 / 7:23 pm

    Lot’s of fab tips there as ever Kate!!!
    I definately think we all need to stand back and just appreciate the little things a bit more and give ourselves a break from time to time
    x

    • Kate Davis-Holmes
      Author
      October 21, 2015 / 6:26 pm

      A physical break and emotional ones too – I find most mums are way too hard on themselves

  6. Morgan Prince October 18, 2015 / 8:45 am

    What a lovely post, your advice is so good. It’s all about accepting who you are and celebrating it. Brilliant post.

    PS: stopping by thanks to your fantastic Facebook group Blog Builders. ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

    • Kate Davis-Holmes
      Author
      October 21, 2015 / 6:27 pm

      Took me an awfully long time to get there on the self-acceptance front and a constant battle even now

  7. Maria @ Suburban Mum October 18, 2015 / 12:35 pm

    Some fab tips here – thank you! I completely agree with making some time for yourself. I think alot of mums struggle with this one (me included) Blogging has given me that focus #picknmix

    • Kate Davis-Holmes
      Author
      October 21, 2015 / 6:27 pm

      One of the many things I love about blogging is that it is my own little me time sanctuary

  8. luce October 18, 2015 / 3:02 pm

    great post, very important! These are things we all need to remember as mums x#PicknMix

    • Kate Davis-Holmes
      Author
      October 21, 2015 / 6:28 pm

      Glad you liked the post. Need to remind myself now and again

  9. Hilary Cooper October 19, 2015 / 9:25 pm

    I definitely think you’re talking sense Kate! I wish I’d taken your advice to heart when my girls were tiny. I had such high expectations of myself and thought everyone else was doing better than me. I started to feel better when I went back to work when the girls were 3. I found myself again to some extent. I was never cut out for full-time motherhood and felt ridiculously guilty that I couldn’t manage it like other people did. Thanks for sharing – it makes me feel better! X

    • Kate Davis-Holmes
      Author
      October 21, 2015 / 6:29 pm

      I think most of us are natural individual mums and society and Government and other parents need to accept that.

  10. A Cornish Mum October 22, 2015 / 7:34 pm

    I love this post Kate, I read it days ago but finally popped back to comment ๐Ÿ˜‰ I think we’re all guilty of comparing ourselves to others without knowing the whole story and I think a lot more people worry they aren’t a good parent than admit it or show it. Caring and wanting to be a good parent are definitely what matters.
    Thanks for linking it up to #PicknMix
    Stevie xx

  11. Mummyandmonkeys October 22, 2015 / 8:49 pm

    Great advice! I’m the same I hate unexpected visitors, I would be mortified if my house was a mess and I hate that I’m like that. I too have suffered from depression and taking that step to get help is massive. Thanks for linking to #PickNMix

  12. Stephs Two Girls October 25, 2015 / 9:55 pm

    Kate these are such brilliant, sensible and helpful tips, I love them all. Even if you think you’ve got it covered, you can be on the edge without realising it and just one of these could make all the difference – like not expecting others to second-guess what help you need, for example! Fab, thank you x

  13. Mell November 4, 2015 / 9:15 pm

    Great post. It’s really important to look after yourself, yet as a mother you feel you need to master everything other than your own wellbeing. Thank you for the prompt

  14. Sarah December 8, 2015 / 1:10 am

    I needed this! Struggling lately, but trying to remember that I have a lovely family who helps lots (and more if I expressed myself better!) Still feel it’s a lot down to me to “cheer myself up”. Will be putting some of these into action, thank you xx

  15. Robyn December 16, 2015 / 9:05 am

    This was a real joy to read Kate. Lots of really great advice for being happy and all of it well said. Refreshingly to the point and most of all useful. Thanks!

  16. Michelle Twin Mum January 26, 2016 / 10:36 pm

    Thanks Kate, great advice here. I sure need to get better at verbalising what I need to those around me. Mich x

  17. Ellie @ Hand Me Down Baby February 7, 2016 / 11:27 pm

    Good tips!
    #2 especially – we don’t have a lot of help locally and it’s difficult to not compare to other mums who have family on-hand to help out.

  18. Maestro mummy February 8, 2016 / 12:25 am

    Great advice. Mums can be so self-sacrificing & it is so important they make time for themselves too #KCACOLS

  19. Lindi mogale February 8, 2016 / 12:49 am

    Love how practical the advise is being a mom can very hard and taxing #KCACOLS

  20. Place to stand February 8, 2016 / 4:07 pm

    I have thought so much about this as soon number 1 voice has broken and he stands a good bit taller than me and I am tall and he’s 13…

    I would say – sod all the do’s don’t’s books worries and just bloody enjoy them – laugh and get dirty, play and get covered in play doh.

    They need their mum happy and laughing not strung out and obsessed as I was – a bit.

  21. Fi - Beauty Baby and Me February 8, 2016 / 4:31 pm

    Brilliant tips especially taking time out for yourself – that’s one thing I’ve learnt very quickly and its so important and really helps. xx #KCACOLS

  22. The Speed Bump February 11, 2016 / 9:08 pm

    Really useful advice, definitely points to remember in tougher times! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday Xx

  23. Jess Powell (Babi a Fi) February 11, 2016 / 10:19 pm

    Some great advice – I particularly like the one about not comparing yourself to the media image of mums. You can never match up to something that isn’t real. x #KCACOLS

  24. Mrs Tubbs February 14, 2016 / 8:11 pm

    Great post. Like a good pep talk from a mate :). Really useful at the moment as I’m feel a little over-whelmed. Ta v m

  25. Debbie February 21, 2016 / 4:05 pm

    Hi Kate, being a parent is never easy, but questioning our own ability as parents is too easy. Your advice is sound; knowing that our children will love us no matter what is something we must remember (as long as we are not plain nasty to them), we must learn to trust our instincts and not listen to the nonconstructive criticism of others. Not being afraid to ask for help is a big one too.

    #WeekendBlogShare

  26. Laura's Lovely Blog February 28, 2016 / 10:52 am

    This is really great advice, I’m struggling with mega sleep deprivation at the moment and also have serious date night or even escape envy – my husband is in India with work and my family don’t live particularly close so I need to remember not to compare myself to others that do get more support. Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. AndreaM March 1, 2016 / 12:32 am

    I’m very new at being a mum, but I already had my bad days (and weeks) and it’s good to be reminded that our happiness matters too. The teething period was the worst so far, for both my son and I. He turns 2 this month.. I’ve been warned about this ‘terrible’ age, and as predicted is becoming increasingly difficult to handle his tantrums and his fascination with the word ‘no’. Then I hear again and again remarks such as ‘If you think that parenting is difficult now, wait until they become teenagers’. Some people really like to kick you when you’re down.

    Enough now! My comment is turning much more gloomy than I meant it to be. To balance things up, I’ll end this comment with a quote from a movie I liked. I hope will make some of you smile:

    Before you have a kid, everyone tells you, “It’s the best thing you’ll ever do.” And as soon as you get the baby back from the hospital, those same people are like, “Don’t worry, it gets better.” (While We’re Young, 2014)

  28. Helen @actuallymummy March 7, 2016 / 1:45 pm

    Great tips Kate. I’m especially guilty of not making any time for myself, and I know how much difference it makes to happiness and effectiveness – not to mention health – when I do! It always just feels like the task list is never ending, and I’m always trying to get through it before I relax. I need to realise that it’s never going to end, and prioritise myself sometimes!

  29. Kerry January 3, 2017 / 9:21 pm

    Really useful and helpful tips there, number 2 really resonated with me…my family live miles away and I find it overwhelming at times as I am also a stay at home mum. It is so important to make time for yourself, which is something I am learning to do more of as time goes on! #DreamTeam

  30. Kate Davis-Holmes
    Author
    January 3, 2017 / 11:06 pm

    I think we realise how much we need to take care of ourselves as we get older. It is possible to remain driven but to drive more effectively if that makes sense

  31. clairejustine January 5, 2017 / 8:39 pm

    Some great advice here. I have 2 older ones and now going through the teenage years with my younger ones. You are so right, each child is different and goes through different things at different times , Thanks for sharing The Wednesday blog hop.

      • Claire October 15, 2017 / 7:02 am

        Hi Kate, Thanks for sharing at Welcome To The Weekend Blog Hop, hope to see you on Monday for our next blog hop ๐Ÿ™‚

  32. Annette, 3 Little Buttons January 11, 2017 / 8:45 pm

    And exhale… somehow reading your advice has made me feel that little bit more relaxed. I get so many of your points, from loading the dishwasher in a cuppa-tea tv commercial break to trying not to compare against families who have a whole team of support around them. Loved it. Thanks so much for sharing with the #DreamTeam.

  33. Catherine @ Story Snug January 31, 2017 / 9:12 am

    I think that you talk a lot of sense! It’s also important to remember that even though you are doing your best you will still sometimes be judged and you will still make mistakes.

    #MMBC

  34. Brandi Puga February 2, 2017 / 4:09 pm

    I think we can all used these tips, even if we know them already sometimes we just need the reminder because we get so caught up in ohter s people little lives!

  35. Debbie February 5, 2017 / 4:53 pm

    Hi Kate, being a Mum isn’t easy, and if we acknowledge that I think it gets a little easier. I am glad that my children were young in a time when social media was not a thing. Taking time out when we can, breathing deeply and knowing that our children love us just the way we are are all things that will help to keep us happy.

    Thank you for linking up to the #MMBC.

    xx

  36. Carol Cameleon October 18, 2017 / 7:26 pm

    Yes, all of this! A couple of points really resonated with me – carving out time for you and that our children are individuals who develop at their own pace. Really valid points Kate and thanks for sharing with #sharethejoylinky

  37. Amanda October 22, 2017 / 6:32 am

    Oh I love these tips so much Kate, but especially the first one – that says it all for me! How often we doubt ourselves or put way too much pressure on ourselves, when really we’re doing an amazing job already! #sharethejoylinky

  38. Donna Giles November 21, 2017 / 10:34 am

    Great post!
    As a parent of children with disabilities, sometimes it can feel that the pressure is even greater.
    Thanks for the reminder we are all doing a great job x

  39. Hayley - Downs Side Up January 8, 2018 / 8:11 pm

    Love this Kate but have only just read it (2 years behind in my blog reading!). Especially like the advice to write down what you need from others.

  40. Helena March 18, 2018 / 5:32 pm

    Some valid thoughts here. I’m the same when it comes to housework. #fortheloveofBLOG

  41. kelly edwards March 20, 2018 / 8:00 pm

    Lovely post with some sound advice. Thanks for sharing on #fortheloveofBLOG

  42. Mrs Mummy Harris June 24, 2018 / 2:28 pm

    I think to have happy children, you need happy parents. To be a happy parent, you need self care and plenty of it. Whether that be a glass of fizz at night, an extra five minutes in the bath, or to watch something on tele in peace.
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week!

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