Inspirational women

Moving on from a toxic relationship – Susanna’s story

Moving on from a toxic relationship can seem challenging at least and even impossible. However, it can and should be done and I hope you are inspired by Susanna’s story.

Toxic Relationship

“Five years ago, I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. I was about to marry the wrong guy. The venue was booked, the dress was ordered, and the invites had gone out. Yet something felt off. I couldn’t tell what it was so I just tried to ignore it. That only made it worse. I struggled to eat, sleep, or focus. I felt nauseous most of the time and my mind struggled to stay with me. It wasn’t until I caught up with a friend I hadn’t seen for a while that I realised what was wrong. As she asked me how the wedding plans were coming along and if I felt excited, I simply mumbled “It’s funny how you think you want something until you don’t”, half hoping she wouldn’t hear it. Luckily, she didn’t let me off.

She pushed me to explain myself and that’s when I burst into tears. It was exactly then that I knew what was wrong and what I had to do next. I had to break the engagement, leave the relationship, and cancel the wedding. I had to get out of this toxic relationship that was stopping me from being the real me. So I did. It wasn’t easy but now that I knew the truth I knew there was no other way.

In hindsight, I can see all the warning signs that I missed. His disapproving comments were everywhere, from what I ate to how I dressed to how I worked and even to what my hobbies were. He blamed me for his angry outbursts and his jealous streaks made it hard for me to have friends. He was trying to change me into someone else and keep me all to himself. Worst of all, as it happened gradually over years, I totally missed it.

That’s why I made a plan on how to ensure I would never miss these signs again. For starters, I committed to building a more positive relationship with my intuition. I had shut it off for years so that it barely even spoke until when it really mattered. I started to journal, meditate, and take mindful walks in nature to better connect to myself and my intuition. Now I do it regularly and feel much more in tune with who I am and clear about what my heart is saying.

Secondly, I made more time to reflect. I started to reflect on a weekly basis on my achievements, learnings, and most beautiful moments. These helped me to stay connected to my life and highlight what was going well and what was most meaningful to me. It also helped me to really understand what were the learnings that I had to stay on top of.

Thirdly, I started to practice gratitude. The toxic relationship had really put me down and I was in a really negative place. I had to get into a more positive place so that I could not only see the world from a better angle but also see myself from a more positive angle. I started the gratitude practice by finishing every day by writing down three specific things that I was most grateful for in that day. Once I’d done that for a couple weeks, I adapted it so that I finished every day by writing down three things I appreciated about myself in that specific day. This was a lot harder but as I had already started to make a positive mindset shift I managed to push through it.

I kept working on these things, as well as nurturing myself from every angle, for months. Bit by bit I started to feel more whole again. When I met my now fiancé, I was in a much better place and open to the opportunities of love again. I was nervous and fearful at the start, but having these practices alongside me helped me to take the leap and consciously begin a new, more fulfilling relationship. This time I didn’t lose who I was. Instead, I only became stronger.”

For more positive mindset tips, visit Susanna’s website and grab a copy of her new book Happiness is Here: A 30-Day Guide to Joy and Fulfilment.

Are you in or have you experienced a toxic relationship?

Sharing so openly takes a huge amount of courage so please do consider sharing this post by clicking one or more of the buttons below.

If you would like to share your story on this blog please get in touch.

The Pramshed

My Random Musings

Award-winning writer, blogger, social media consultant and charity campaigner. Social Media Manager for BritMums, the UK's largest parent blogging network Freelance clients include Firefly Communications and Save the Children UK. Works with brands on marketing projects. Examples include Visit Orlando, Give As You Live, Coca-Cola and Kodak. Cambridge Law graduate with many years experience working across three sectors in advice, media relations, events, training and project management. Available for hire at affordable rates.


  • Perdita

    I love the idea of adapting gratitude into 3 things about her own positive self (the concept of gratitude is really tricky for the many people to manage – particularly women who have been gaslighted or put down – in my experience: what can happen if they are in a bad place, or being exploited, is deflect their intuition into being grateful to the toxic person, or grateful to/for the toxic situation – or think that is means they cannot be assertive in saying ‘no, this is not something I should put up with’). Focusing the gratitude on self is a great idea.

  • Noleen Miller

    Such a powerful and inspiring post especially for women who are trapped in toxic and abusive relationship. I’m glad that you manage to find yourself again and that you healed and became stronger. All the best with your new relationship.#fortheloveofBLOG

  • The Mummy Bubble

    Such an inspiring story, and a really important message for others behind it as well. Well done Susanna for find the courage to make such a huge change and well done to your friend for recognising you needed to talk! Thanks for sharing with #fortheloveofBLOG

  • Jaki

    This will hopefully help anyone who is reading this in a similar situation find the strength to make the change. Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales.

  • Pen

    Oh my goodness, I could have written this post. I was also engaged to be married, the invites had been sent out, the venue booked. I hadn’t bought the dress, but everything else was arranged. We also had a 5 month old son. But I was absolutely dreading the wedding, and my now ex was being demanding and controlling and just felt that I could never live up to his expectations – I was too emotional, I wasn’t religious enough, I was too quiet, I didn’t exercise enough, I hadn’t arranged enough of the wedding, he didn’t like my artwork, my nails were too long, he didn’t like it when my roots showed and my hair needed re-highlighting… The list goes on. It wasn’t until our son was born, and after a few blazing rows and the fact that he arranged a Catholic christening for our son without even telling me (I didn’t want our son christened Catholic) that I realised that I had to cancel the wedding and leave him.

    It is the best decision I have ever made. We still have the challenge of maintaining a co-parenting relationship, but at least we are not married.

    thanks for your post.

    Pen x #AnythingGoes

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: