Staying Safe When Online Dating – 11 Tips

1. Know What You’re Looking For

Before creating a profile, think about what you want from a relationship. Being clear with yourself makes it easier to recognise a good match. I think this is where I went wrong in life. I accepted whatever was on offer as I did not value myself highly enough. I did not want to be viewed as boring so would go along with situations rather than stand my ground.

2. Trust Your Instincts

If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Your instincts are often your best form of protection. I had a panic attack when on an early date with someone but carried on regardless convinced only one person was likely to fancy me. By not following points 1 and 2, it was no real surprise that I found myself emotionally and financially manipulated, cheated on and abused.

3. Take Things at Your Own Pace

Don’t feel pressured to move conversations or intimacy forward more quickly than you’re comfortable with. I was told by one guy that “a certain degree of intimacy is expected” on our second meeting. I am a person that can only kiss or more when I feel comfy with someone. I think that is fair enough. Hook-ups are OK for some people but that’s not me. I like an emotional connection. We are all different and it’s important to treat one another kindly.

4. Protect Your Personal Information

Avoid sharing your home address, financial details or other sensitive information too soon. Be careful when using cashpoints with someone you don’t know well. Don’t share passwords or let someone new look over your shoulder when you are online.

5. Keep Early Conversations on the Platform

Most reputable dating sites offer messaging systems that help protect your privacy. My experience is that many men will push you to WhatsApp. I thought I was signing up to conversation not unsolicited pics of nether regions. Ugh!

6. Don’t Be Afraid to Say No

You don’t owe anyone your time, attention or an explanation if you’re not interested. Just try and be kind and wish the other person well. I don’t think ghosting is at all kind as it fails to acknowledge the other person is a human being with feelings.

7. Watch Out for Red Flags

Be cautious of anyone who asks for money or seems unwilling to answer straightforward questions. Listen to what other people say about them but ultimately decide for yourself. I urge you not to be swayed by early declarations of love, romantic gestures and extravagant gifts. Love-bombing does not turn out well in my experience. Listen to how men talk about their former partners and mothers. If they talk in a very negative way, I feel this can be a red flag.

8. Keep Your Own Life and Interests

A healthy relationship should complement your existing life, not become your entire focus. When my marriage collapsed after more than twenty years together, I realised that I had made my husband and kids my whole world. Divorce happens, the empty nest will come so make sure you have a support network and your own passions to sustain you in a new normal.

9. Arrange First Meetings Safely

Meet in a public place, tell someone where you’re going and make your own travel arrangements. A good friend suggested I do a first date in a restaurant with floor to ceiling glass windows so I could be easily seen if the guy did anything untoward. Think carefully before getting into a vehicle with a virtual stranger. Ask your friends and trusted family members to check in with during the date. That helps you feel connected and them feel reassured.

10. Be Realistic About Dating Apps

Sadly, a lot of people on dating apps are telling lies. Some are already in a relationship/engaged/married whilst claiming to be only seeing you and expressing how they are falling for you. Some want open relationships which are valid but not for me. Many on apps seem interested only in a person as a body. I don’t want to talk about what I do in bed or elsewhere at first. Talk with me, laugh with me, make me think and the rest will follow if there is a connection.

11. Remember Your Worth

Never settle for poor behaviour simply because you want companionship. I learned the hard way that dating not long after a break-up was a mad idea. Healing matters and takes time.

Respect should be the minimum standard. I want authenticity, humour, intelligence, courtesy, giggles, fun and kindness too.

Conclusion

Dating in later life can be exciting, rewarding and full of possibilities. The key is to approach it with confidence, maintain healthy boundaries and remember that the right person will respect your values. Above all, never compromise your safety or self-respect for the sake of a relationship.