General

Introducing BDSM in a new relationship

Sex is always nerve-wracking in a new relationship. You worry about your body and whether it is OK. Most of us have the odd hang-up about how we look. We all have our own tastes when it comes to the physical side of a relationship. One of the trickier subjects to navigate is that of BDSM. We fear being judged adversely but at some point you have to bite the bullet and talk.

Avoid misunderstandings

If your partner has not tried BDSM before they may have completely the wrong idea about what it actually entails. They may secretly fantasise about getting tied up or wearing a blindfold. However, they may also be scared of getting hurt too much. Good communication is key or you can blow the whole relationship when actually you might be roughly on the same page when it comes to sexual preferences.

Do your research

Communicating with your partner will be easier if you are clear about what you would like to try. What BDSM means to you may not be the same as what they hear when you use that term. So get on the famous sex toys websites and come up with a few options of things you might try together. These sites have beginner sets which may be less daunting if BDSM is new to your sexual partner.

Encourage your loved one to look into things alone too perhaps watching a relevant documentary, listening to a podcast or a mistress near me. Then you can come together with more information and agree terms for your introduction into BDSM.

Mixed emotions are OK

It is unlikely you and your partner agree on food choices entirely. It’s the same with sexual activities. When you discuss BDSM, don’t be surprised by feelings of shock, abject fear, anger, hurt or confusion. Having said that with good communication you may be delighted to seeing these initial issues transforming into enthusiasm and excitement. These discussions can end up turning you on and in some ways becoming foreplay to the main event.

BDSM meets

Sometimes your partner may not want to do certain things themselves but be fine about you seeking them elsewhere. You can attend a BDSM meet to fulfill your fantasies or to show your partner what you have in mind. We can all find our tribe online whatever your particular sex preferences might be. So long as you are not damaging someone, where is the harm?

It’s just a new way to play

Sex is adult play. Have a go at BDSM making a gentle start. Then sit down and talk about it working out what you liked and what was a total turn off. It’s good to be open minded but also to know your personal boundaries. Never do something just to please a partner. Many BDSM couples choose a safe word that can be used if it is all getting a little much and one of you are feeling threatened or uncomfortable.

Have you tried BDSM?

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Award-winning writer, blogger, social media consultant and charity campaigner. Social Media Manager for BritMums, the UK's largest parent blogging network Freelance clients include Firefly Communications and Save the Children UK. Works with brands on marketing projects. Examples include Visit Orlando, Give As You Live, Coca-Cola and Kodak. Cambridge Law graduate with many years experience working across three sectors in advice, media relations, events, training and project management. Available for hire at affordable rates.

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