We don’t have sex anymore. There! I said it! It’s not unknown for me to be called an over sharer so let’s go for gold! I do have a reason for writing this post and it’s not that I am looking for sex. It just strikes me having revealed my predicament to a few online friends that not having sex is more common than we might think even if we are in committed relationships or perhaps especially if we are. What do I know?

I did not lose my virginity until I was about 26 years of age. I never expected anyone would want to do the deed with me but then I had this mad idea I was so fat and ugly. I shied away from blokes who showed any interest whatsoever convincing myself I must be reading the signals wrong. I also thought if I ever responded they would turn round and say they were only joking.

Sex dried up here a few months ago. My husband for 10 years and sexual partner for 20 tells me he is impotent. He says he does not like the situation. He says he still desires me. He says the situation might change. I think he sees it only as his issue but that is perhaps unfair.

Having not had sex until well into my twenties, I know I can live happily without it. I always think sex is like your favourite bar of chocolate in that way. You don’t have to have it but it is lovely when you do.

What I hate is that my husband barely touches me at all in any way. We used to snuggle up watching the telly. That stopped years ago and he seems to find the idea of sitting with me unappealing. I could use a stronger word but then I would probably be being unfair.

It feels odd as we are in a community where touch is part of the culture. So if we go out to the bar, I will touch both men and women as will my husband. It just highlights the lack of touch between us. I have pointed this out and occasionally my husband will touch me but never in bed and in quite an awkward fashion that makes it clear he is just doing it because I have made a fuss. Again, perhaps that is unfair of me but he clearly does not want to talk about the issue.

My husband is a long-term viewer of pornography. I have always hated this along with his occasional forays into joining dating sites apparently because he is bored. How he thinks that does not result in me thinking I am boring to him I do not know. I am asked to understand. I read that long-term use of pornography can lead to impotence which makes me mildly amused. How very ironic!

I have pointed out having done my research that my husband being an older man and in any event, the impotence may be a sign of health issues including heart disease and diabetes. This is a message my husband clearly does not wish to here.

I thought that I could live without sex for the rest of my natural and I do sort of still believe that and obviously as a good married woman I should. Weirdly and absolutely out of character having had too much to drink I apparently said I wanted to have sex with a young male friend we have made. I did this in front of others and my husband was of course outraged. I can absolutely see I was out of order and still cannot recall saying it so have curtailed my drinking.

Anyway, the point of this post is to wonder why we are not more open about sex coming to an end for whatever reason. In my second pregnancy we gave up on sex for a few months as the bump really did get in the way. Sometimes couples are busy with work or babies and sex goes on the backburner for a while. Sometimes couples choose not to have sex for all manner of reasons. But nobody says so.

Bloggers like to talk about just about anything yet when I asked for other experiences for this post even on an anonymous basis nobody offered or responded in any way. So impotence or no sex for a while seem to be taboo issues. I even asked a GP friend via social media and he failed to reply.

So perhaps I am wrong to blog about it but perhaps I am not and perhaps it will help someone when I say “No sex here, we’re British!” But then again, I am having a French adventure and they do say the French make great lovers. Joke!

My Random Musings
Musings Of A Tired Mummy
Musings Of A Tired Mummy

There’s something magical about children’s books. From the brilliant illustrations and imagery to the whimsical stories that unfold, nearly every person can recall their favourites from childhood. To this day, scholars, educators, and parents alike use these books as a vehicle to herald children’s imaginations and as a means to teach valuable lessons. Nearly all of our favourite classics share underlying life lessons which, as parents, we can utilize in helping our little ones develop and understand the world in which we live.

Invaluable created this neat infographic that details eight classic children’s books and the powerful lessons that each relates

Children's Books

What is your favourite children’s book? What lessons does it offer for adults and children?

My Random Musings

Clash of Empires by Ben Kane is one of those chunky books that covers things in great detail. The book is the first book in what promises to be an addictive series based in ancient history. It appealed to me because I have always wanted to study ancient history but I passed it on to my husband as he was short of a book to read and I felt he would enjoy it. He was less convinced but ended up loving it.

Clash Of Empires

The story

The story is about when the Roman legion and the Greek phalanx, the two mightiest military formations of their time, met on the battlefield for the first time. It allows the reader to see the story from both sides not only the rulers but also the infantry men doing the fighting.

What is brilliant about the book

The book is so impressive as you can tell just how many months of research must have gone into it by the author. It does not sugar-coat the brutality of war and is action-packed and gripping. It is also good how the characters are well-drawn and how you see them develop through the course of the story. A shining example of this is Demetrios who we see grow from boy to man moving on to achieve his dreams.

Clash Of Empires

What was challenging about the book

The size of the book and the fact that I an not an expert on ancient history by any means made the book a bit daunting at first. There are lots of characters in places unfamiliar to me so I had to focus more than I might in the authors I read often. However, it was worth investing the time and effort in this novel as not only was it thrilling in terms of entertainment but I also felt I learned lots along the way too.

Timeless themes

Although the novel is set in ancient historical times, it covers timeless themes such as how the desire for power and status can lead to heavy bloodshed. Whilst King Philip of Macedonia and Flamininus of Rome ruthlessly pursue their own ends, the lowly infantry personnel are victims in many ways. Having served it the military I recognised that you can be thrown together with people apparently on your own side who you do not necessarily like or agree with. Be prepared for the strong language often found in military circles too!

Conclusion

The author has delivered a page-turner neatly combining fact and fiction. I would definitely be interested in reading the next books in this series.

Read With Me

I am digging deep for my weekly positives as my day is not going well. I know from experience that this is the very time to put the good stuff down in writing. There is little work coming my way which is frustrating to say the least. I have just failed miserably in a waffle-making experiment also breaking a waffle-maker in the process. My husband is doing his usual superior act apparently always knowing how to do things so much better than I can. I am also getting fed up of doing things for other people to be nice and not even getting a word of thanks. You see – writing that out has made me more cheerful already. It would look great in that novel I keep saying I will write.

On with the good stuff ..

1. We have blue skies and sunshine today which is so very good for the soul. Loving dog-walks in this weather with my lovely oldest son where we can just be us and talk freely. It is also great we have loads of windows in the house and a double-aspect lounge so sun streams in wonderfully.

2. I am in a mood today feeling tense and irritable. So I am happy that I dug deep and when the waffle-making did not work immediately made pancakes instead of giving up entirely.

3. I am doing less housework and noticing the less I do the more other family members do. Perhaps that is where I was going wrong for all these years.

4. I did a productivity course and got so much out of it. I actually have blog posts scheduled and am on top of my inbox and so much more. I have just signed up for a positivity course. I am going to invest in my learning this year. I will start with baby steps and then perhaps take on something more demanding.

5. I got out at the weekend for the first time in weeks socially and it was clear I had been missed in the village which was lovely. It has been decades since I felt so popular and rated in my own right as the individual woman I am.

6. My oldest son sent his first tweet and it was a well thought out political one. So proud of him for being so well-informed and with amazing values too. He will go far in life – he just needs to start believing in himself but that will come.

7. My daughter has finally got over her bug and is a delight with her enthusiasms and cuddles. I would love to be able to take her on a little trip just the two of us before the year is out.

8. My youngest son is fine and seems to have stepped up on the hygiene front taking pride in his appearance and so on. The very same thing happened with my oldest son at about the same age. Means I don’t have to nag and cajole so all very good and one less thing to worry about.

9. I am still managing to carve out chunks of time for me and reading which is a delight.

There, rubbish waffles and critical husband or not, life is OK on the whole.

How is your week going?


R2BC at Mummy from the Heart

“Reflections
Musings Of A Tired Mummy

Lucy At Home UK parenting blogger

My Random Musings

Maria Tecla Artemesia Montessori turned modern education on its head when, at the dawn of the 20th century, she realised that by engaging with kids physically, creatively, and out of doors it did more for their learning processes, growth, focus and retention than those endless hours sitting at a school desk.

When kids were free to express themselves, or were emotionally connected with the teachings, they were more open to learning and their brains fully engaged. Despite Montessori’s impact abroad, when Shannon Kenny founded Arte al Sole, there were actually few truly engaging experiences for kids in and around Italy.

Learning Through Art

Shannon, a medieval historian and single mother of two girls, became determined that she would devise a fun-filled curriculum to allow her kids to get the most out of their Italian experience.

She employed an inquiry-based system, that when taught by professionals, helps kids arrive at their own conclusions, and make connections to their own lives – whether they’re 6 or 16. And off she went to see how much of Italy’s rich history – the people, places, piazzas, palaces and yes, pasta! could kids take in (along with plenty of gelato! even learning to make it at times).

Shannon was convinced that through wonderful learning experiences abroad, kids could become model global citizens, rather than tiny tired travellers – as their parents check off this museum and that, walking them through crowded city streets in 90 degree heat. And off they went!

Learning Through Art

Families would come on vacation and while parents enjoyed the things they wanted to do, from a wine tour or museum experience, or walking those teeming city streets, their children would be learning about the place by connecting in myriad ways to its rich culture.

In Lucca, Arte al Sole campers would learn about medieval life and times, discovering the stone animals and learn why ferocious beasts guard many beautiful places. And they would use the power of observation to draw what they’ve seen.

In Florence, the Renaissance greats are the main event. I encountered a 7 year old, who, while working on his fantastical solar system asked me, “Did you know that Galileo was imprisoned for his ideas?” And went on to tell me just what those ideas were. On Day 4, kids get to cook some local specialties with professional chefs (or a wonderfully talented Italian nonna – grandmother!) and learn how important cuisine is to a specific culture.

Learning-Through-Art

In Umbria, it’s all about the Etruscans – ancient civilisations and country life. Between soccer lessons (with a professional coach) and beekeeping, families come together each evening at I Casali di Colle San Paolo for BBQ parties around the pool, a town festival, or to chase after a wacky Prince’s dogs in search of truffles. The kids also make up their own show – so on Parent’s Day, they can show off what they’ve learned all week long.

In Rome, it was all about Aqua — so we had a host of river gods and nymphs, some who were legend, and some fantastical ones created by the kids themselves.

Learning Through Art

By sparking emotional connections — to each other, to the terrain, and through your own artwork – your brain is on fire, you’re joyfully participating…and you can recall those emotional want to come back to Italy or try out new countries…time and again.

After learning about Cosimo de Medici and his motto: Make Haste Slowly, one girl tells parents that her motto is…Always treat others kindly – that way, you’re an example for others and you can change the world.

Maria Montessori would be proud…

Learning Through Art

Arte al Sole day camps – for kids 6-13

Family tours & art workshops year round

Lisa R Tucci is Arte al Sole’s Program Director

She learned about engaging people emotionally with art when bringing audio guides to Italy’s museums.

Her Company, TestaAlta, also runs SuperCamp Italy for kids 12-18 | A life skills and lifelong learning program based on accelerated learning through emotional intelligence, and unique interactive learning (and lots of s’mores!)

TestaAlta.org • SuperCampItaly.com • ArtealSole.com