Looking after yourself Archives - Page 2 of 15

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2016 at the age of 42, I thought that breast cancer was, well, just breast cancer. I didn’t know that actually there are multiple different types of breast cancer, lots of different treatments and different prognoses dependent upon a number of factors. I went into this whole experience completely unaware of the big picture. There were so many things I didn’t know, which now with hindsight, I wish I had known. And I’m fairly sure that not knowing those things added to my fears and worries.

Breast Cancer

So, for breast cancer awareness month, I am going to do you a favour and give you a bit of a heads up about breast cancer. An overview, if you like. And I am doing this because the breast cancer statistics are pretty scary. Breast cancer is the most common type of cancer in the UK*. It affects men as well as women and there are around 54,900 new breast cancer cases in the UK every year, that’s around 150 every day (2013-2015)*. Current statistics are that 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer in their lives**. Wow.

What is breast cancer?

First off, let me tell you about the different types of breast cancer. To start with, there is primary breast cancer. This is the most common form of breast cancer and it is cancer which manifests in the breast and has either not spread outside the breast, or has just spread to the lymph nodes. Under the umbrella of “primary breast cancer” there are different types (too many to discuss here, but CRUK have some excellent information about the different types). Breast cancer can be found at different points of growth and spread and this is what is commonly known as “grade” (how different the cancer cells are to normal breast cells and how quickly they are growing) and “stage” (the size of the cancer and how far it has spread – breast cancer may be described as stage 1, stage 2, stage 3 or stage 4).

And then there are things called “receptors” which are proteins on the tumour to which hormones or other proteins can attach and stimulate the cancer to grow. All of these factors affect the treatment that will be given (there are many different treatments – surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy, and then there different chemotherapy drugs) and the prognosis. Primary breast cancer has a good survival rate. Breast cancer survival is improving and has doubled in the last 40 years in the UK.*

But now, let’s move on to a lesser known aspect of breast cancer: secondary breast cancer (also known as “advanced” breast cancer or “metastatic” breast cancer). Those of you who haven’t been affected by breast cancer may not even have heard of it (I certainly hadn’t before I had my own run-in with primary breast cancer).

Secondary breast cancer is where breast cancer cells spread from the first (primary) cancer in the breast through the lymphatic or blood system to other parts of the body. It is often referred to as the cancer “metastasising”. Roughly five in every 100 people with breast cancer already have secondaries when their cancer is first diagnosed ** and it is roughly estimated that a further 35 out of every 100 people with primary breast cancer will develop secondary breast cancer within 10 years of their first breast cancer diagnosis.** It is estimated that around 35,000 people are currently living with secondary breast cancer in the UK.** There is currently no cure for secondary breast cancer. Depending on a number of factors (including how far the cancer has spread, where it has spread to and for how long the cancer has been spreading) the length of time that someone can survive after a diagnosis of secondary breast cancer varies greatly from a matter of weeks to years and its growth can often (but not always) be controlled with treatments.

What is it like to have breast cancer?

That’s a good question, and one that I could write heaps about (in fact I have written heaps about it for various organisations and charities). Everyone with breast cancer has a different story. A different beginning, middle and end so there isn’t one easy answer to this question. However, I can show you a snapshot. Working with Breast Cancer Care (the UK’s largest breast cancer support charity) we have put together the Breast Cancer Film Project. A collective story of breast cancer. By the people with breast cancer.

And this is what we got. Three short films showing a snapshot of the real story of breast cancer, from those living it: (1) Life with Breast Cancer, (2) Moving On After Breast Cancer and (3) Life With Secondary Cancer

In these short films, people who are living with (or after) breast cancer show how life involves treatment, scans and tests. They show scars, fears and struggles. They show love, support and kindness. They show acceptance, hope and perseverance. They show life carrying on despite cancer. They show people living their lives to the full. They show you real life with breast cancer. They are each around 2 minutes so, really, you don’t have an excuse not to watch them.

So, what now?

There you go, you now know some facts about breast cancer and more about the realities of life with breast cancer. But what now?

Well, for a start you can check your breasts and I don’t mean a quick squeeze in the shower every now and again when you remember. You need to educate yourself on how, when and what to check for. There are plenty of resources out there to help you but to save you the bother of finding them I’ve created a list of links for you. Finding breast cancer early can literally save your life.

And what if I want to donate to a breast cancer charity?

It was be absolutely wonderful if you were to donate to a breast cancer charity but please can I ask you not to just buy something pink this month. Yes, I know it is everywhere, and those who are selling the pink wares are making a big deal about breast cancer but look at how much of the money that you pay for the pink item actually goes to the charity (if any – because there are some rogues out there who use pink to sell their wares and don’t give a penny to charity). Yes, I know that something is better than nothing, and there is a place for these items (the Pink Ribbon Foundation, for example, rely upon funds received from the sale of these types of products) but why not consider making a direct donation to one or more breast cancer charities, or holding a fundraising event for one of the charities, so that more of your money makes its way directly to the charity?

But whichever charity you choose – do your research first. Some charities fund research, some fund support, some fund campaigns. Some fund a variety of these things. They are all deserving of your money, you just need to decide what is important to you. For more information about donating to a breast cancer charity you could read this page on my website, where I have identified ten excellent charities doing work in the breast cancer sector, together with information on how they spend their money and quick links to help you donate.

And there you go, that was your quick guide to breast cancer

Breast cancer is not going anywhere any time soon. It’s here and the statistics are a bit scary. But you can do your bit. Be aware. Talk about it. Don’t feel that you need to speak in hushed tones if you, or someone you know, has breast cancer. Check yourself. Help your family members and friends who are going through it. Donate to a worthy charity after doing your research. And, if you want to buy pink this month, please do.

EDUCATE. CHECK. DONATE.

*Statistics courtesy of Cancer Research UK

**Statistics courtesy of Breast Cancer Now

Thanks to Jo Taylor ABC Diagnosis for her advice on the information about secondary breast cancer.

Also thanks to Breast Cancer Care for some of the information.

Sara is the founder of www.tickingoffbreastcancer.com, a website dedicated to helping people through their breast cancer treatment from diagnosis to living life to the full once treatment ends. Aged 42 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, Sara decided to set up the website to support those who do not know which way to turn for help after receiving a breast cancer diagnosis; those who are overwhelmed by the breast cancer resources online; those who may be scared to go online for fear of what they might find; and those just looking for a comfortable, safe, calm place to turn for help. The website provides practical advice for each step of the way, together with many links and signposts to other online resources. Follow her on FaceBook, Twitter and Instagram.

What You Need To Know About Breast Cancer

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Everyone deals with grief differently. While some people find comfort in reminiscing and keeping busy, others might need to cry or talk to work through the pain. There is no correct emotional response or wrong way to cope because each person will respond differently to loss.

However, while there is no right way to handle bereavement, there are techniques you can employ to help you work through the pain. Read the below advice on effectively dealing with a death in the family.

Turn to Your Loved Ones for Support

Both you and your family members will be struggling with various emotions during this difficult time. Rather than shutting each other out, it’s important to lean on each other for emotional support. Talking can help you not only articulate your emotions but to come to terms with a tragic loss in the family. It can also provide an outlet to reminisce and share memories.

Seek Professional Help

It is common for grief to manifest into various mental health issues, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or anxiety. It often stems from an inability to accept the loss of a loved one and the preoccupation of thoughts about your relative.

If you believe you are living with any of the conditions mentioned above following a bereavement, it is essential that you seek the help of a medical professional as soon as possible, such as a doctor, therapist or grief counsellor.

Resolve Your Inheritance

Financial worries can impact your emotional health. For this reason, you will want to receive your inheritance as soon as possible, so you can effectively move on from this difficult period in your life.

Unfortunately, inheritance disputes are common in families. You can quickly resolve an issue and receive the amount or property that is rightfully yours by contacting The Inheritance Experts, however.

Face Your Feelings

Expect to experience a range of emotions when dealing with a loss of a relative, such as anger, fear, upset, or a feeling of numbness. To successfully heal, you need to face your feelings because you cannot suppress them forever.

If you avoid your feelings, you will simply prolong the grieving process, and this could lead to the development of serious health problems, such as depression, substance abuse or anxiety, which is the last thing your loved one would want you to experience.

Embrace Your Hobbies and Interests

Seek comfort in the hobbies and interests you enjoy, as it will allow you to enjoy some escapism from your feelings and embrace a new focus. For example, it can be healthy to draw, write, exercise, paint, or even play a video game.

While you shouldn’t completely avoid your emotions with your hobbies, you should allow yourself to have a little fun and focus on new tasks, which will provide you with some comfort during this difficult time.

Care for Your Physical Health

The body and mind are connected. If you are feeling physically healthy, it can improve your mental health, so you will be able to cope with your emotions effectively. Start focusing on caring for your physical health. For example, you can counteract fatigue and stress by enjoying plenty of sleep each night. You’ll also feel happier and have more energy if you enjoy a nutritious diet and exercise regularly.

Dealing With A Death In The Family

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For many people who have found themselves dependent on alcohol, learning to live without it is a difficult process. At first, there is the acute withdrawal stage to deal with while you detox. This can be scary, and even dangerous without either using a tapering off method or having medical supervision. However, most people are able to get through the initial detox phase in a safe and healthy way when they are ready to particularly if they talk to a therapist in person or online. They are then faced with life in recovery.

There are various different medical schools of thought on how a recovering alcoholic should approach the rest of their life, with some groups like Alcoholics Anonymous thinking that permanent abstinence is the best way to stay dry, and others like HARM believing that it is possible for someone who has had an alcohol dependency to go back to a healthier social drinking behavior eventually. Whichever route you subscribe to, you do need to ensure that should you ever drink again, it is not as a result of the cravings spurred on by your previous habits.

Here, we take a look at methods people in recovery from alcohol addiction have successfully used to stop themselves responding to cravings and ending up back in a cycle of alcoholism. You can also find some helpful advice on this at Life Transformation Recovery.

Distraction

One of the main things that cause relapses in alcoholics is boredom. At first, overcoming the addiction is a challenge, and then, experiencing life sober is an interesting time. You feel healthier, you look better, and you have more control over every aspect of your life. However, over time the novelty of sobriety tends to wear off, and this is where the original source of your drinking habit can start to rear its head again. You may feel bored or frustrated, and the solution you previously sought – drinking – can become appealing again.

In order to beat the boredom factor, you need to have something that captures your attention and gives you something new to look forward to each day. Short term, you may find that reading or watching a movie can distract you from immediate cravings, or perhaps playing a video game. As a longer-term strategy, though, it can be good to do something productive, for example, taking up a new sport or hobby, or going back to something you used to like doing before, such as maybe drawing, music or writing.

Avoidance

Sometimes cravings come about as a result of habit. If you usually got over a stressful day at work by hitting a bar or treated yourself to wine after completing something difficult, then it can feel like you are missing out on that when you have given up alcohol. You may also have been in a social group where drinking was a key part of your life together. Avoiding social situations where you will want to drink is an important way to keep yourself sober and temptation-free when you don’t feel you yet have the willpower to go out and not drink. Of course, this can mean some changes in your social life. You may find that you need to see certain friends who are still drinking a lot less often. Alternatively, rather than meeting up with them in the usual spots, you could arrange to see them for morning coffee in a place that doesn’t serve alcohol and spend time with them that way without it becoming an issue when they want to drink and you do not.

Naturally, there will be some events or occasions you cannot avoid, such as weddings or holidays, where other people will be drinking. Have a strategy for these in advance, and if you can, tell other people who will be there that you won’t be drinking and to hold you accountable for that. If you don’t want to discuss the fact you are recovering from alcoholism, it is always an option to simply say you aren’t drinking because you are on a diet or fitness plan and it would interfere with that.

Talk To Someone

People who follow group rehab approaches like Alcoholics Anonymous are allocated sponsors who they can talk to when they feel the urge to drink. Even if you are not using that kind of program, you should have someone in mind you can call or chat to online when you are experiencing cravings. It could be someone who knows about your addiction and who can talk you down from wanting to go and drink alcohol, or if you don’t have anybody you are comfortable talking about that with, just someone you can have a chat with to distract yourself. Feeling lonely is a big trigger for a lot of recovering alcoholics to drink, and so you need to have plans in place for what you will do and who you will talk to if that happens. It may be a friend or family member you can simply call up to feel less alone or even an online friend who has gone through a similar thing who you can chat to by instant message. Reading forums and websites where other recovering alcoholics talk about their experiences can also be a good source of comfort and remind you that you are not alone.

Exercise

A lot of medical experts believe that exercise is key to recovery from a lot of mental health problems, including the depression and anxiety that can come when an alcoholic or addict is in the early stages of recovery. Getting outside and taking a walk can be a big mood lifter, and if nothing else, it will occupy your body and mind while the craving passes. If you feel up to it, running or cycling can also be great choices.

Cravings do pass, and often within a short time frame. Have plans in mind that you can use when you begin to experience them, and always remind yourself just why you need to stay sober. Good luck on your own recovery journey!

Tips For Avoiding Alcohol Cravings

Looking after elderly relatives in your own home is something more of us will be doing as we have an ageing population. As many families struggle with financial pressures, often it makes sense to pool resources and live in a multi-generation household. Whether due to frailty, loneliness or bereavement, many older people would love to live with their loved ones. My advice would be to think about the emotional and practical implications before making life-changing decisions. Honest communication is key along with practical stuff such as deciding if you need to install a stairlift in your home and working out which welfare benefits may be available to your family.

Looking After

Role reversal

There are certain times when it really hits us that we are actually adults. When your parents need you to care for them, you start to realise that you will be doing some of the very things they did for you when you were growing up. Tasks might range from offering a listening ear to more intensive care such as helping with dressing, toileting and personal hygiene. You may have to accompany your parent to medical appointments and ensure they take their medication at the right time.

Juggling it all

The very time when your parent needs to live with you often comes whilst you are bringing up your children and also trying to make a living. It can be a very stressful time and it is vital you recognise yourself as a carer and seek support. You may feel isolated but there are lots of people out there who can help from your local authority to a wide range of charities. It is a sign of strength to say that you need help and to seek it. Only by looking after yourself well can you care effectively for those around you so never think it is selfish to say you need support too.

My experience

When my mother died, I knew I wanted my father to come to live with me. He was adamant that whilst he liked the idea he would need his own personal space. It took me a year to find the perfect accommodation with an annexe attached to the house. We had some amazing years of memories together before he passed away. He had such quality time with his grandchildren treating them, reading to them and laughing with them. In turn, they learned so much from him and treasure their memories of him. I supported Dad as his needs became greater and he was lovely to have around for me too. We had fun trips out together with a regular Tuesday lunch date and also fish and chips on Fridays. He shared stories that he had not told me when my mum was alive. It was a very precious time for all of us.

Things that can help

You can meet other carers in person or online. You can ask your local authority for the assessment of your elderly relative’s care needs and also your support needs. You may be able to claim welfare benefits or to apply for grants. Depending on the individual, your relative may need special equipment which might be anything from mobility aids through to a specially adapted vehicle. Ensure you look into things like Meals on Wheels and laundry collection services that just might make life a little simpler for you all.

I would recommend looking after elderly relatives in your own home wholeheartedly so long as you have the right support in place. Of course, individual circumstances differ but with a little goodwill and imagination, it is possible to live together and thrive in a multi-generation household.

Looking After Elderly Relatives In Your Own Home

Everyday activities, whatever they may be, include a degree of risk to personal safety. Whether you are driving to work or crossing the street, either through crime or circumstance, incidents can occur in an unpredictable way. Although you can’t avoid risk, it is best to take precautions. From taking measure to ensure your safety to advice on seeking experts for when an incident does occur, below are a few ways you can stay safe and well in public spaces.

Stay aware of your surroundings and be prepared

You can go as far as preparing a safety plan in case of different kinds of emergency situations. The most common way is by making sure you can an emergency contact with you at all cost, whether this is the contact details of co-workers, friends or family members. Your emergency contact can prove extremely useful in case of accidents or natural disasters.

You also need to stay aware of any hazards which may be in the area, including the possibility of slipping or tripping, perhaps in a supermarket or a restaurant. In cases where an accident occurs, you may be entitled to compensation for your injury. You can learn more about this on the-compensation-experts.co.uk.

Another important way to stay aware of your surroundings is if you are driving and have parked your car, ensure that you check inside the car before getting in. Alternatively, park in well-lit areas. It is advised not to pick up hitchhikers, and in the event that your car gets stranded or break down during your travels, make sure you have the contact details of a car repair company or a family member close by who may be able to pick you up.

Furthermore, keep your house keys separate from your bag, so if it does get stolen, you can still get to your house and report the incident afterward.

Stick to well-lit areas

You may occasionally need to walk home or to get to your car in the dark but ensure that you keep to the inside of the sidewalk, where there are people around and where it is well-lit. Don’t take shortcuts and cut through parks or alleyways. If you’re in doubt and the walk is quite long, always trust your instincts and consider taking a taxi. If you do so, make sure to message someone your whereabouts in case of emergencies.

Trust your instincts

When you are out and about by yourself, always be aware of your surroundings. It means removing your headphones so you can hear everything. If ever in doubt, trust your instincts. If something doesn’t sit right with you, do your best to remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes our subconscious is far more aware of the situation before our thoughts come up, so if something doesn’t feel right, act on it.

It will be inevitable that work and school can lead to returning home late into the night, but there are many ways you can keep yourself safe when it’s dark. By staying aware of your surroundings and trusting your instinct, ensuring that you are prepared in case of emergencies can help you feel at ease when you are out by yourself and more prepared if a situation does arise.

How To Stay Safe And Well In Public Spaces