Adultery is a thorny issue for most marriages. The definition states that it is a married person engaging in sexual acts with someone else who is not a spouse. Yet, some people include other aspects to it, such as the use of dating sites.
It is establishing an emotional connection with other people who are not in the marriage with them. Whether or not the latter cases qualify as adultery is still up for discussion.
More often than not, adultery is the cause of divorce. According to research, up to 57% of men and 54% of women cheat or have cheated on their spouses.
So what are the causes of adultery? What would make a couple vowed to stay together till death do them part decide to bring someone else into the equation? Should we perhaps petition for ‘save for the cause of adultery’ to be a part of the marriage vows?
Causes of Infidelity in a Relationship
You have been suspecting, and have finally caught your spouse cheating on you. Trying to describe the emotions you are feeling is difficult because there are so many. Thoughts of betrayal and devastation crowd your mind. You start to question what your role is, and how you could have prevented the cheating.
Causes of adultery and fornication are numerous, and may not even have anything to do with you.
So, what is the root cause of adultery in marriage?
- Inability to Deal with Issues
One of the causes of adultery in marriages is the inability to deal with issues. Your marriage could be going through a rough patch, and instead of sorting it out, one of the partner’s looks for an easy way out.
It starts with finding someone who can listen to the problem without judging. Next, it comes the emotional connection, followed by intimacy.
- Misuse of the Internet
The internet has made it easy for people to start online relationships. Reports show that over 40% of such relationships eventually turn into real-life situations. We have dating apps and dating sites that provide an easy way to meet people.
The Social Media platform has also opened up a whole new world for potential relationships. But, does the use of dating apps and websites mean you are in an adulterous relationship? According to the law, it is evidence that is admissible in divorce proceedings.
A landmark ruling in France resulted in a 45-year-old woman losing a divorce battle. The judge deemed her online conversations with men as adultery.
- When Love and Respect Leave the Building
It is not possible to maintain a relationship where there is no love and respect. For some people, divorcing except for the cause of adultery might be a bit extreme; it is possible to start to resent your partner. Looking for love and companionship outside your marriage shows a lack of self-control and a total disregard for your partner’s happiness.
Another major cause of infidelity in a relationship is loneliness. When a partner is constantly away, it could tempt either party to seek momentary satisfaction elsewhere, under the guise of looking for companionship.
In some instances, your spouse could be around, but you no longer connect. Each of you is busy living their own lives and do not make time for each other. Eventually, infidelity may find its way into the relationship.
You will often hear older people advising brides and grooms to remember to keep their relationship spicy. Unfortunately, the routine can stealthily creep into the marriage. Suddenly you have no time for date night or a romantic stroll around the neighborhood.
When the kids come, you start to focus on them and forget each other. Couples should not forget what brought them together in the first place. Continue to do what you loved to do when you were dating.
Make time for each other and plan getaways for the two of you. If not, one of you or both of you will seek excitement outside of the marriage. Who knows, the excitement could come in the form of a handsome young man or an attractive young woman.
The excitement you were seeking could turn into something dangerous. If you haven’t watched Fatal Attraction, make time for it this weekend!
- Unhappiness and Lack of Sexual Satisfaction
Many couples complain that they are not happy in their marriages. It could be because of lack of attention, lack of sexual satisfaction, money issues, among a host of other problems.
If one party feels especially aggrieved, they could opt out of the marriage by engaging in adulterous relationships.
- Being Self-centered
If you have had the misfortune of dating a narcissist, you know how they think. It is always about them, and anything or anyone who goes against them is wrong. Now imagine yourself married to such an individual.
You find yourself going out of your way to make your narcissistic partner happy. Eventually, due to their egotistical way of operating, they will invariably cheat on you.
Other Causes for Infidelity in Marriage
The reasons for infidelity are many, including:-
- Marrying for the wrong reasons
- Pornography and use of escort services
- Addiction, whether on drugs or sex
- Insecurity in the marriage
- Differing beliefs
- Lack of commitment to the marriage
- Childhood issues that manifest in your married life
- Midlife crisis
Effects of Adultery
One question that we mostly come across is, “is adultery cause of divorce”? Understanding the cause and effect of adultery is important, especially for those living in it. Family members, especially children, also feel the effects.
Apart from divorce, other consequences include:
- Feelings of guilt and shame for both parties
- Loss of intimacy and trust
- Loneliness and unhappiness
- Death or injury when one of the partners retaliates aggressively
- Sexually transmitted diseases
Dealing with the consequences can be difficult. However, some couples have gone through counseling and have seen a turnaround in their relationships. It is crucial to open up the lines of communication in the marriage.
Your partner should be comfortable enough to talk to you about any difficulties they are facing. You must then work together in partnership to resolve the issues. And true to the advice you get on your wedding day, keep your marriage spicy. If you do, you will not need someone else to make things more interesting.
Have you experienced adultery, and how did you deal with it? Share your story in the comments section.
Michelle Austin is a guest blogger and copywriter with more than 3 years of experience in the psychology of family relationships category. Worked for a long time at the Media Group as editor. Now she is a relationship coach for couples from Mansfield, OH. Her main goal is to help couples stay together in a healthy and strong relationship. Take care of yourself and be patient.